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single-serving Bonzai cows

 now you can choose your 'turf' just like your 'surf'
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kept in miniature pens akin to lobster tanks. choose-your-own with tongs, prepared anyway you like. makes beef a finger-lickin'-good finger food a la drumsticks & wings. allows for unprecedented beef-stuffing opportunities (go to town, boys). medium sizes would be ideal for novel thanksgiving's dinners.
—lsenater, Sep 26 2001

(??) Bonzai Kitty http://www.bonzaikitty.com
This is a joke, but it basically maps out how you would expect to acheive your "bonzai cow" [finklestein, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Bonsai Kitten - this one works http://www.bonsaikitten.com
I think this is what the Fink intended (thanks Google) [lsenater, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Beer Butt Chicken http://www.outofthe...ken.beer.butt.shtml
Can you imagine what this might look like with miniature cows? [Guncrazy, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Minicows http://www.miniaturebull.com/
[Worldgineer, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


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Annotation:







       Twisted, man.
—Dog Ed, Sep 26 2001
   

       What are you gonna do, stick them in jars so they won't grow? Or just genetically modify them... I really quite dislike this idea.
—finklestein, Sep 26 2001
   

       Yes, yes... Rabbit is potentially closer, if less novel (see BunnyBurgers prank in mid-90's Spy Magazine), and lamb isn't really choose-your-own like lobster (and too big)... But what about the theoretical feasability of the idea? (the exploration of which is, I gather, the purpose for the halfbakery) I mean, they managed to breed ponies down to the size of dogs... could it be done? Would it require genetic engineering or simply vigourous animal husbandry? How about some recepies? (e.g. taking advantage of milk-filled udders to create built-in creamy/cheesy gravy, etc.) Oh, and to what wire are you referring, Snr. Bubba?
—lsenater, Sep 27 2001
   

       Anyone who's ever made "beer-butt chicken", just because it looks so cool on a grill, has to have wondered what "beer-butt beef" would look like. This idea would make it both possible and practical to find out. Check out the link...
—Guncrazy, Sep 27 2001
   

       I wasn't sure, when I read the title for this idea, whether we were going to be talking about miniature cows(Bonsai) or suicidally aggresive ones (Banzai). Either way, this gets a fishbone 'cause I'm a veggie [thumbs nose].
—DrBob, Sep 27 2001
   

       The Dr. raises an intruiging point - perhaps the cows could be both Bonsai AND Banzai? If they were determinedly suicidal, could this address certain vegitarian qualms about the unwillingness of most animals to participate in their own consumption? (as opposed to the cheerful anthropomorphized ones used to shill many food products, all of which seem to approach the thought of being eaten with relish (ahem); e.g. Charlie Tuna, etc.); i.e. if that's what it really wanted, would it be so bad? (see the talking cow in D. Adam's 'Restaurant at the end of the Universe'); if it posed a threat, could eating it be considered an act of self-defense?   

       If nothing else, the prospect of kamikaze pygmy entrees would certainly enliven even the most jaded restaurant patron. Perhaps such miniature animals could even posses unforseen health benefits, such as providing an antidote to the troubling amounts of Bovine Growth Hormone (BGH) we unknowingly ingest in our meat and dairy products. Of course, this does not apply if you are a macrobiotic vegan, in which case the cure is worse than the affliction.   

       And in regards to U-Bu's insights into boviculture, any thoughts on whether regular pruning and meditative attention might enable the minature cows to live 75-150 years?
—lsenater, Sep 27 2001
   

       I can't stand it. What an idea. It makes me think if the little cornish hens at the store. Breed me 10. My kids would have a blast chasing them around. Freaking MOOO.   

       Do you have to check them at the gate or can you take them on board? I think the size of a cat would be prefect. More later when I stop laughing.
—clafever, Jan 22 2004
   


 

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