shoe shop assault course

After a tough day shoe shopping yesterday, I was ultimately successful and am now the podiatrical envy of the office.

For a guaranteed success in purchase of any item, functional, fashionable, frivolous or frumpy (and I mean not only shoes but clothes, cars, computers, consumables and all the other drains on your finances), the purchaser needs to be sure that it meets requirements and is of reasonable quality; in the case of shoes this means that the pair I buy: will fit me, will look appropriate, will last through whatever frequency of wearing I put them through, and will remain comfortable. (That list is not exhaustive.) (My shopping strategy is.)

For a high-success shoe-shopping event, shops should design an assault course appropriate to the functionality of each range of shoes. This may require the concentration of shoe shops in one shopping centre, which I would also approve of. I suggest an elaborate shoe heaven, where each pair of shoes can be tried out (within reason) on whichever surface(s) is/are appropriate: a dance floor, a climbing wall, a steep staircase, a rocky path, a slightly wobbly paving stone, and a grassy area. Time limits would have to be set, but these would be different for each type of shoe. The point of the dance floor is of course that you need to be able to dance for a long time without bunions developing. Half an hour under the flashing lights would probably be almost enough to ascertain the comfort level of the shoes you're trying. Customers would of course pay a premium (a sort of rental) for the luxury of trying these shoes, which would be a percentage of the purchase price (and of course if you buy the shoes, you pay the difference only). Discounts would apply to shoes that had been tested before, since late purchasers would be buying shoes worn for half hour periods by many people. Customers who brought back shoes after testing which had been damaged would incur an extra charge. A full testing history should be available (a small administrative job, but perhaps requiring customers to be registered for the service) and shoes which had been bought after testing cannot be exchanged or refunded unless there is a manufacturing fault.

This is not a cheap service, but neither would it appeal to everyone. Only hardened shoppers need apply.