h a l f b a k e r yNaturally, seismology provides the answer.
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i have been having a running battle with my printer for sometime now. it jams, runs out of ink/paper/, spends eternity warming up, processing etc. at THE most inopportune times.
so while I'm screaming and shouting at it the LCD display just blinks back the usual: 'warming up,' 'processing job' etc.
it
would make for a much more fulfilling slanging match if the printer could give some back. so what i suggest is an inbuilt memory of say 200 phrases which alternate for the normal messgaes 'processing job' becomes: 'in a rush, tough luck fat boy,' 'paper out' becomes 'I can't print on fresh air fuckwit.'
cue pistols at dawn for me and my HP.
for etherman
http://www.odetocode.com/Humor/68.aspx
[Gromit, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
more hp printer tips
http://www.ancientpond.com/ljshen.html
more of the same [neilp, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
take revenge
http://www.halfbake...inter_20punch_20bag
[etherman, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
It is an ex-printer
http://www.geocitie.../pics/exprinter.jpg
Might not be such a good idea for printers to be any more annoying. [chud, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
This one fights back
http://www.milkandc...es.com/links/22701/
[davem, Feb 10 2005]
[link]
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I'd love it - the more cryptic the Better, imagine the opportunity for sarcasm with helpdesk staff. |
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would be good if you could remnotely do it from your PC in a networked office situation.
'pain in the ass managers job processing now.'
'warming up for underdressed secretary.'
etc. |
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i just accidentally deleted the last anno. I'm really sorry. It was a useful one too. I didn't get who wrote it either. if they would redo it I would be eternally greatful. Sorry. |
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Fine for an inkjet, but imagine the fun you could have making your old dot-matrix printer talk simply through the rhythm of the pins striking the paper... |
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Shzahzszzzz.z.z..eedjit..zshsssshsssssss... |
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Arg, it was mine. It was about a smart aleck programmer at a previous job who discovered that it is quite easy to manipulate what is displayed on the LCD display on an HP printer using remote commands. (In fact, there is more than one way to do it). So he had all the printers in our company displaying spoof versions of HP error messages, like "TONER HIGH" and "PAPER TOO SPICY". When the printer was idle, he had it display the current stock price of our company. |
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This bit of fun came to an end when an anal-retentive IT manager found out about it and told him to stop, claiming the messages were "confusing the users." |
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sorry krelnik. you dont happen to know how this guy did it? if anyone out there knows they could make me very happy and my relationship with my printer could attain Darth Vader and Luke proportions. "Ether, you are my son. hhhhggggaahhh" |
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Inject a bit of Marvin the paranoid Android into it:
"Oh no, not another Word document. Brain the size of a planet.." etc. |
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or what if it could read your documents and take the mick: |
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"sales and marketing Yawn Yawn Yawn." |
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"two Ms in accommodation you moron" |
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//happen to know how this guy did it? //
The straightforward way to do it is via an SNMP SET command. The other way apparently involves sending a print job to the printer with some obscure escape sequence enclosed. |
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//happen to know how this guy did it? // Who cares, that must have been some day ;) |
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So, do you mean "snarky?" I'm not familiar with the "sarky" term. |
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Also, it seems you are describing a laser printer rather than an inkjet, no? I've not seen very many inkjets that need to warm up, or that have an LCD display. |
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I've changed the ready message on HPs; the sequence is straightforward: |
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Ec%-12345X@PJL RDYMSG DISPLAY="I HATE MONDAYS"
Ec%-12345X |
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[bris] sarky = sarcastic.
it seems to be missing from every known dictionary, but it's a common enough ukism.
p.s. good to see you back |
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//have a more eloquent fight with your laserjet// |
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indeed it is a laser prinetr <bris> |
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excuse mt deep ignorance, which is probably the stem of my run ins with the printer, but how do i use this command <benjamin> ? |
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oh and neilp is indeed right, sarky is sarcastic in UK & Ireland. Thought it would have been transatlantic but apparently not. |
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[etherman] - easiest way (without requiring any programming) is to (1) put it in a file, and then (2) copy it to the printer. |
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(1) The 'Ec' at the beginning of each line means the ESC character (ascii code 27) which you might need a half-decent text editor to enter. Each line should end with a CRLF (standard PC text file). |
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Sounds too hard? No problem! Download the sample file I created (see link). |
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(2) To copy it to the printer, type the following at a command prompt: |
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copy filename printerpath
eg: copy c:\foo\readymsg.txt lpt1:
or: copy c:\foo\readymsg.txt \\server\printershare |
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[benjamin] - after doing this how long will the message persist? How do you undo this and return to the default setting? Is this a documented function which is guaranteed not to cause any permanent change or is it a secret hack that might just muck up a newer printer? |
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thanks benjamin, you truely are gifted in the ways of the force. cheers big ears! |
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[no offence, ear based or other wise, intended] |
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has anyone written a little application that lets you edit all of these settings, I reckon it would be a top download (until sysadmins password protected their printer shares). |
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I guess I was thrown by the reference to the printer running out of ink. |
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[dobtabulous] -
// after doing this how long will the message persist? //
It survives a print job, and playing with the control panel (well, the green off/online button, as we keep our control panels locked). It doesn't survive a power cycle. |
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// How do you undo this and return to the default setting? //
Commands are available on the web; there's probably a reset. Or just send "READY". Or turn the printer off and on. |
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// Is this a documented function //
Yes. |
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// which is guaranteed not to cause any permanent change //
I guarantee nothing, sorry. But nothing permanent on my test printer (an HP4000). |
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In software, nothing is guaranteed. |
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My printer is a bastard made of plastic
and metal. It'd probably say "I'm busy,
why don't you just write it by hand, you
lazy asshole." |
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[krelnik]'s "PAPER TOO SPICY" had me laughing out loud. I must try this. |
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//My printer is a bastard made of plastic and metal// |
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I hear you [schemtics] I've got an idea for the pair of us. <link> |
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//In software, nothing is guaranteed.// |
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you cant get guarantees for software beezee? |
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