rent-a-fexion

How many times have you wanted to be held, just like your mummy used to, and be told that everything's going to be allright?

Imagine, you are a stressed out exec, just come out of a meeting with the board, you're facing redundancy, that twat that just started is after your job, your're behind on your mortgage payments, the wife is at the nail salon, the kids at jazz class. You want love and understanding, but you're in no mood for sex...where can you turn to?

Rent-a-fexion to the rescue! dial the number and the discreet van will come to your chosen location. Walk into the van and sit on the comfy armchair, to be met by one of our soecially trained ladies. She sits beside you and hold your aching head to her ample warm bossom which smells of your comforting (previosly chosen by you) scent. She cradles your head and strokes your hair and pats your back gently whilst whispering soothing lines like:

"shhh there, there, that's my soldier" "bad boss come and say bad things? leave him alone (slaps imaginary bad boss) can't you see he is tired" "it's not babito's fault the profits are down, leave him alone he is trying real hard"

etc etc

Around 1/2 an hour should do the trick, you leave refreshed, and hopefully gurgling.

In my fragile mind, I see rent-a-fexion vans permanently parked outside Wall Street- I also see a massive market in Japan. Inspired by boyfriend who i sometimes "treat" and who said he would "pay for it".

Am i mad or does someoone out there see my point?