h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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Whilst waiting for my bread to toast in hotel in Thailand, I was struck by the parallel between the toaster and Buddhist beliefs.
The toaster had a mini-conveyor belt going over the heated element. On pass 1 through the machine it would be lightly warmed up, then on the second pass through (manual
intervention needed at this point) the toast would come out brownish.
This to me to looks like a soul and its travel through rebirths, nirvana, ie browned. I contrasted that to the boring old western pop-up toaster and found that the bread has one go at it, and then should be browned (heaven), alternatively it comes out scorched (hell), or a bit breaks off the bottom and defies all attempts to winkle it out with a knife (tentatively identified as limbo).
I suspect there may be a market for divisions inside religions, a Calvinist toaster where the bread comes out rock-hard, a COE toaster that comes out vaguely brownish and neither one thing or another, a three slice toaster for Catholics, signifying the trinity and so on.
mine is a bit religious
smoking_20Vatican_20toaster
[xandram, Jul 26 2012]
Jesus Toaster
http://www.amazon.c...aster/dp/B0042QRYO8
Available through Amazon.com [jurist, Jul 27 2012]
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Annotation:
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A coin-operated Scientology toaster? |
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The Fundamentalist Toast. Toast goes in white and
comes out white yet defies all attempts to reason
with it on the need to change. |
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Ulster Toaster. Toast comes out orange. Won't
share a plate with RC toast. |
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Zen toaster - works the same as a normal toaster but the interpretation is different: instead of the bread being toasted, the toaster is revealing the bread's true nature. |
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Pagan toaster, where due to an intricate mechanism the toast comes out partially cut out into soldiers and the crust made into a circle, giving the shape of Stonehenge. |
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Complete with compass for correct alignment for the midsummer's day so the first rays of dawn to shine through it correctly. Optional extra sun-lamp attachment for when it's overcast (like 99% of the time). |
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Hey, what happened to the Jesus toaster? It was on HB, then it was gone. Strange... |
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I put it up before doing my research. Looked pretty
much baked (toasted) elsewhere... |
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The Jewish toaster has a timer on it showing how it
works really fast. Then, when supposedly done,
nothing happens. After a minute it blurts out: Watcha
staring at, heh? |
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The Lutheran AG toaster really works well, and will
never break down. |
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The Catholic toaster (made in Rome) has very low
cost parts, so even though it never works, you can
always fix it quickly. |
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Watch out with the Selfi Muslim toaster. |
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There's no such thing as an Atheist toaster. |
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The Calvinist toaster wouldn't exist, instead, you'd purchase pre-toasted bread, which would be cold and stale. |
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The Pentacostal toaster comes with instructions in a nonsensical language, and a power cord which has no plug but is intended be taped to your bible and forehead. |
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The Baptist toaster is waterproof for safety reasons. |
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The orthodox toaster makes lots of smoke which smells slightly of herbs. |
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The agnostic toaster shows no indications of whether it works or not. |
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The Christian Science toaster allows you to talk to Elizabeth Taylor. |
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In all honesty, I did think the Zen toaster is problematical, as there is no toaster, the bread and toaster exist only in your mind, extensive meditation
would show the truth. |
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Alternatively, it would have only one bread slot, can you hear the sound of one slice toasting? |
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Oh and Rex Toasti, King of the World (of toasters) for any Cathar out there... |
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// There's no such thing as an Atheist toaster.//
Not so. The Atheist toaster operates on the principles of Physics, with no chanting required. |
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I like the Tibetan toaster, where the finished toast is cut into pieces and thrown into the air for a sky buttering. |
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1 toasted bun on a rotisserie.(Whirling-Dervish Toaster) |
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Which religion does the roller-toaster belong to? |
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Correction to the Lutheran one: The toast lasts for ten
years. |
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The Hebrew Toaster just immigrated from France: Its
called Le-Chaim. |
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Zoroastrian Toaster. It sits on top of a hill, not far
from town. You put the bread on top of it, where
the sun and weather do their best and where birds
can come and eat it. |
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Australopithecene Toaster: If there happens to be a
fire burning somewhere then the user needs to
identify edible grains; invent milling and make flour,
dough and bread before inventing the breadknife and
cutting and toasting a few slices. |
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Athiests don't require a toaster to explain the nutritional benefits of the bread. We just eat the bread. |
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[jurist]'s link makes me face/palm. |
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I have a plastic form that allows you to press a "face
of Jesus" into the bread before you toast it. Works
well on the credulous. |
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//I like the Tibetan toaster, |
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Hmm, out a heat source next to prayer wheel, strap some bread on and it should work... |
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//which religion does the roller-toaster belong to?// |
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...still waiting for the Amish toaster to toast this slice...
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<crickets>
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<sigh> |
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In regards to the Astroid to Mars post, I believe that in the archaeological work, looking for a Martian toaster should take priority as it will provide such an insight into their religious beliefs. |
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