quuch-quuch-qchk-qchk aid

for the lone eater who has the nasty experience of something going down the “wrong way” ; resulting in desperate choking and gasping for air. there is no one to thump you on the back or perform the heimlich manoeuvre to save your life.

there are only seconds to spare here and we only get one shot at removing the chunk of food from the trachea. desperate times call for desperate measures.

1. pull down loft type ladder. 2. climb up to top. 3. remove wee hammer from its easy-release holder on the ceiling next to the q-q-q-q aid. 4. break glass protective shield on front of emergency q-q-q-q aid box. 5. unfold q-q-q-q aid which is in the form of a leather harness with pressure points in all the anatomically correct places. 6. put harness on and adjust buckle at side. ensure that the front pressure point beneath rib cage is secure (this is very important) 7. attach bungee jump cord to hook in ceiling – come on, come on – time is short. 8. jump from top of loft ladder, in an upright position – bungee rope breaks fall, just above ground level – giving just enough pressure from force of fall onto the pressure point beneath ribcage to heave all the internal organs upwards and force blockage from wind-pipe.

normal breathing is resumed. put equipment back tidily for the next time. finish meal.