on board dj

i would like to have a dj booth on a train, yes a commuter train to Waterloo, one of those ideous South West Trains. I take the train every day and i am fed up with the boredom. the dj would be listening to all the usual train sounds that we are so used to, like the doors opening, the repetitive sounds of the rails, or the door shutting, and scratch few samples of ramdom sounds synchronised with the usual sounds. the door opens with that neutral pneumatic sound: why could it not sound like a stra trek door or like a squeeking door, depending on the mood and change randomly every time? or the rails rhythm could inspire a scratch with the latest tony blair speech, or a 50s dance tune. all this not too loud, it shoud not piss people off. just an unusual accompaniment