h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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it would appear that some graduates at the University of East Anglia (UEA) in Norwich have been hurt by falling hats. students have been urged to mime the throwing action instead, and have hats photoshopped later.
a university spokeswoman said injuries caused by falling mortarboards posed an "unacceptable
risk".
it would seem that the university doesn't want a graduation day spoiled by injury but I think this non story is being whipped up by cowardly and greedy university photographers.
I propose an amalgamation of mortar boards with drone technology. take off and landings of mortar boards can be individually and safely controlled. Qapla'!
[link]
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Only fenlanders could figure out a way to injure
themselves with hats. |
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I say make them all wear pickelhaubes. |
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... with the point on the inside. |
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The mortarboards should be lined with enough explosives to break them up into harmless little pieces. |
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The tassel is the pull-fuse. |
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// harmless little pieces // |
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Hmmm, Total Cold Fallout mortar boards ? That's doable ... |
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Parachute, activated by barometric altimeter. (They are
very precise and tiny these days.) |
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//injuries caused by falling mortarboards posed an
"unacceptable risk"// |
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Great message to send to students: "You are the
new generation tasked with manning the ramparts
of civilization, bolstering the human condition and
advancing the cause of the world's people through
the many trials and tribulations that the world
always has, and always will pose. Although other
generations have survived plague, famine, Nazis,
the great depression AND little flying cardboard
squares, you are too weak to deal with the latter
so just pretend to throw them you little pussies." |
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Bunning this because it would be even more
dangerous to have hundreds of sharp spinning
propellers whizzing around in a humming swarm of
little square hats than just tossing a bunch of
cardboard into the air. |
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Sounds like a great way for students to tell their
former brainwashing overlords that they are now
free of the hive-mind, pussification mentality of
their college professors. |
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And if we're really serious about this, why not just
replace the cardboard in those dumb hats with
foam? Nerf hats. |
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Hmm. Maybe I'll patent that, get a scumbag lawyer
and file a class action suit against any institution
that doesn't use my product. |
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Given that accidents do happen when humans are involved in such dangerous activities as throwing hats, proposed is a wireless network to initiate a small propellant charge to synchronistically launch the hats into the air, thus putting the "mortar" into "mortarboards". |
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