h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vedi, fish velocipede
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hands free smoking
a new revolutionary smoking "helper" for the unfortunate or the extreamly elderly | |
you ever have one of those days when you got tierd of having to pick up a cig, light it, then repeatedly bring it to ur mouth to smoke it? or just to old to exspend teh energy? well have i got an idea for you!
my invention came to me when i was online and tryng to smoke a cig at the same time. its
pretty damn hard to type with a cig in your hand!
all you ahve to do is once a week put a cartons worth of cigs into its handy holder, (im still working on a way to keep them from going stale) and an automated arm will pick them up, light them and then bring it to a setable place near your mouth, all you have to do is smoke! the arm will then, at the push of a simple button, put the cig out for you! its a simple tabletop desigh perfect for a computer desk or nursing home bedside table.
recomened for the extremly old or lazy ass mofos
Nasal Cigarette Holders
http://www.halfbake...cigarette_20holders
Doesn't take them out of the pack or light them for you, though. [hob, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]
[link]
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If you want to smoke at the computer, just dangle the fag from your mouth adopting a Bob Mitchum style countenance. Or employ a small Filipino boy to stand at your side, holding the cigarette while you are busy chatting to people who have numbers in their names. |
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And punctuation. And mathematical operators. And fractions. And cyrillic characters. |
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<wonders how many "extremely old" smokers there are> |
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As a smoker, I have to fishbone any idea that promotes smoking. |
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[obligatory mumble grumble... ] |
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no joke learn how to proofread |
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Do you get a little remote control with it that has three buttons marked Puff, Snuff, and Ash? That's cute. |
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Do you get a little remote control with it that has four buttons marked Light, Puff, Snuff, and Ash? That's cute. Croissant, but only if every time you push the "Puff" button, it recites a government warning in an grating, annoying schoolteacher voice. |
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I dont understand why you don't just leave it dangling from your lip, like a hard-bitten film noir reporter. Just swivel it off to one side as you loose a stream of invective, where it will bob crazily with every word. As punctuation you grab it with your lips, take a sharp drag and shoot the smoke out your nostrils. |
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good of you to think of the old and lazy, though. croissant. |
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