h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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half umbrella
half umbrella to avoid poking people in the eye with those little spikey bits | |
I hate umbrellas.
they're the same width as the pavement, so there's no avoiding the little spikey bits which stick out at just about eye level if you're over about 5"7/ 5"8, because, let's face it, it's always short girls that carry umbrellas, probably because being poked in the eye with a little
spikey thing isn't something they've had to experience.
but no more! i present the half umbrella!!
imagine holding an umbrella, by the stick, out to the side. you're effectively only actually using half the umbrella shelter.
i propose an umbrella with a shelter bit that only sticks out to one side, thus allowing tall people and umbrella users to live together in harmony.
for further explanation, please see my added pictures
Illustration
http://daaaaaaisy.blogspot.com/
picture of problem & suggested solution [daaisy, Oct 15 2005]
my only brolly, blissy!
umbrella_20kite
[po, Oct 15 2005]
The umbrella assassination
http://www.portfoli...group12/georgie.htm
Just goes to show how evil these things can be... [wagster, Oct 19 2005]
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actually, I never carry an umbrella - what's a bit of rain... |
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either
a) you're tall, so you don't carry an umbrella because you hate them
b)you're short so don't appreciate quite how much i hate umbrellas |
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[Po] "What's a bit of rain?" |
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Rain is a form of precipitation, formed when separate drops of water fall to the Earth's surface from clouds. Does that help? |
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"Don't we have more pressing issues?" commented the inventor of the cat-a-chute. |
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I too hate umbrellas (I am 6'4" and now half-blind). I bun you for such an elegant solution to the problem, I bun you for your stick drawings and I bun you for your guillotine. You are most welcome to this halfbakery. |
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[po], I thought you once did an idea about umbrellas, and a way to keep them from poking others. Did I dream it? (We even discussed the different lingo for what they are called.) |
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hmmmm, for some unexplaned reason, two open umbrellas have just appeared in my hallway...my flatmate thinks they're breeding.... |
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....at the very least they're plotting something.... |
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perhaps they saw the guillotine picture? |
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maybe i should lock the door so they can't escape, and build my own brolly concentration camp. |
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the guillotine picture could become reality.... |
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What about just skewering a few eyes unto the spikey bits
to serve as a warning to the unwary - you could call it
Eyebrella - "I'm seeing in the rain.... " (with apologies to
Gene Kelly). You can shoot me - see if I care. |
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Why doesn't someone make an umbrella that is concave, sloping almost srtaight down, until it reaches one's knees, where it flares out. Periscope required. |
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[+] just for the illustrations ... the guy smiling in the last picture is priceless :-) |
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I think the guy in the last drawing is grimacing with extreme pain at having his shoulders rammed into his neck! |
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We need to develop a bi-articulated umbrella handle which allows the user to carry their open umbrella centred directly over their head, while preserving the capacity for standard full umbrella collapse for storage purposes. And no, I won't be drawing that any time soon. |
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[UB] - I thought you lot all wore those wide brimmed hats with corks hanging off them? |
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//Tropical rain tends to arrive in very large drops and lots of them. Getting caught in our rain is not very pleasant.// |
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mmm, yes, i feel very sorry you having to survive a very unpleasant day of rain every year. very wet is it? that must be awful with all that heat you have. |
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and there was me thinking we had it bad with nine months of constant drizzle, wind, sleet, and cold. |
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bring on global warming!! |
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i'm sorry; my umbrella won't solve any of those problems. it's just an umbrella. |
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a damn clever umbrella mind you. |
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When i was a kid there was a town not far away called Fingeringhoe. |
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/let's face it, it's always short girls that carry umbrellas, probably because being poked in the eye with a little spikey thing isn't something they've had to experience./ |
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I hate umbrellas, both for the reasons you describe, and because the people who have them tend to be dawdlers by nature. Meanwhile, those of us who rely on brisk walking and deft sidesteps to avoid getting too wet struggle to weave our way along the umbrella-congested footpath (sidewalk). |
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Replace umbrellas with some sense of urgency, people! |
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I find a cap keeps the rain off my face very well and never skewers anyone. |
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perhaps the end of each spike should be covered with a smaller umbrella and the spikes on those covered with even smaller umbrellas... |
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If the umbrella opened in vanes like a Japanese fan you could adjust coverage by degrees. |
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I give up [po], according to google a gamp is a sort of tartan swatch. What are you on about? |
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[2fries] - nice refinement. |
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gamp - umbrella - Mrs Gamp's umbrella - Dickens' - Martin Chuzzlewit |
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The British are always complaining about how it always rains here, but I’ve been working outdoors nearly every day for three months now, and I haven’t felt many raindrops fall on my head at all. I take great interest in the weather because a rainy day = a day off for me, and I’ve only had about seven rainy days off. |
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+ although I disagree with the notion that the triangular skirts popular with stick women are minging. |
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I have to agree with your thoughts on the notion that the triangular skirts popular with stick women are minging. |
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My sister gave me Martin Chuzzlewit for christmas once but I never read it. I hope I now understand the important bits having had them explained. |
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//for three months now, and I haven’t felt many raindrops fall on my head at all. // |
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it's called summer!!! we get one every other year. |
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and i personally prefer a triangular dress, perhaps with a star on it. |
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This is a tremendous notion and the illustrations are also tremendous. Tremendousness^2, then. |
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One as yet unremarkedupon advantage of this invention is that tall people who consort with brolly-weilding near-midgets will, when it rains, not be unable to see the faces of their partners. Whenever winter comes round here (September-April, inclusive), my better half's face seems permenantly eclipsed by her jaggy umbrella. |
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My local football stadium has a strange security policy. Visiters are not allowed to take anything into the grounds which could be used as a weapon (including, bizarrly, CD's, no idea what they think I'm gonna do with them, sharpen the edges and frisbee someone to death?!). Umbrellas, however, are allowed. Where's the logic? |
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Umbrellas can be used as a club, jousting pole, fencing foil etc. and also not only pokes people in the eyes when opened (especially in a crowd) but makes everyone stood behind extremely cross as they can now see bugger all. It's a clear encitement to riot. |
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//including, bizarrly, CD's, no idea what they think I'm gonna do with them,// Get a whole stand to focus the rays of the sun onto a key defender?
Unless you're a Manchester home-match-only fan, when of course, this is clearly ridiculous, there being no sun in Manchester. |
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I think the definitive answer to problems highlighted here is the umbrella-coat-hat in this same category. The only reason giant umbrellas are necessary is that small ones don't keep you dry (and even giant ones aren't up to the task in windy weather). With the u-c-h the device need be no wider in diameter than is required for the attached coat to clear you, and no spikes are present at all.
Regardless, the illustrations to this are brilliant so [+]. Until these ideas are implemented, I have no problem with the concept of reciprocal assault, unless an apology is swiftly issued:
[POINK!] "How d'ya like that mr/missy?" [Stalks off clutching injured eye]. |
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// Umbrellas can be used as a club, jousting pole, fencing foil etc // |
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...and a knockout-gas discharger. |
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...and ricin dispenser (link) |
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i definately think i'm onto something here, i just need a catchier, more marketable name for it.... |
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\\i just need a catchier, more marketable name for it\\ Umbr? Might have pronounciation issues. |
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