h a l f b a k e r yLike a magnifying lens, only with rocks.
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People like me might require the opposite service, to bribe these people to stay away from my funeral. |
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The headstone would obviously be blank. The
headlines would report the death of .....
instead of the name they would print a black
redaction oblong. Excellent [+] Of course if it's for
8th, the coffin gets installed under the floor of a
cat hotel. |
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Presuming the purpose is to engender a degree of curiosity
wonder & some degree of confusion in the friends, family &
others
attending the event as a last gift of cerebral stimulation
from
you, presumably the mystery mourner should
be of the opposite type to that mandated by your
previously
known persuasions. |
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Perhaps beautiful isn't the best way to achieve this effect. |
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I hear Sturton feels he may be ready to return to
employment, his
appearance is quite striking in it's own very special way &
should serve admirably in the required capacity. |
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I believe I have his contact details pasted to the back of on
old tin of flenting wax (the alleged customer complaints
department apparently), I'll see if I can dig it out if
you'd like? |
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I want all of those and also deliveries of fake passports, cash, guns, and "encrypted" documents to be "forwarded" for a month after my passing. |
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I'd like the variant where the hearse is trailed by a
psychedelically decorated panel van, the teenage
occupants of which include a large anthropomorphic
great dane. Whether they unmask the open-faced coffin
at the end, and it turns out to be the night-shift
manager of the local museum, who would have gotten
away with it if it hadn't been for these meddling
kids, is a detail that might be a nice flourish. |
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[zen] excellent!
[Voice] as part of this service,
someone will covertly break into your house after
your death and hide the fake passport, cash and guns
somewhere amongst your possessions |
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Several members of the Soprano family arrive in
shiny Cadillacs, Sporting fine suits and fedoras.
Each carries a single black rose and as they toss it
onto the casket they mumble something quite
inaudible, So no one is quite sure what has been
said. + |
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Welcome back [ai] - now drop yer kecks, and show us what you've got! (roughly translated - post an idea or two) |
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//someone will covertly break into your house after your death and hide the fake passport, cash and guns somewhere amongst your possessions// |
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Even better! Ooh, how much for a couple of phone calls featuring code phrases? |
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//I'd like the variant where the hearse is trailed by a psychedelically decorated panel van//
I'd like both & several more incongruous vehicles besides. Perhaps a TV detector van, a pest exterminator, an old truck with a squad of Homeguard troopers, an open-top bus full of Japanese tourists, a traction engine, a biker gang, Brian Blessed on a carnival float, regaling adoring listeners with over-the-top tales of theatre-land, another funeral procession for a complete stranger etc. Sort of the funereal equivalent of the video for Vindaloo (linky above for those who don't have a clue what I am referring to). |
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//bus full of Japanese tourists// - this is very
good. In the same way that Norman Wisdom rather faded
into near-obscurity in his home country as he aged
but was, for bizarre reasons, a massive superstar in
Albania, it would be nice for my relatives to
discover after my death that I am staggeringly famous
in Bhutan. |
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Ah yes. That reign of terror that the Bhutanese will never forget! |
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I think I'd like an entire travelling circus to arrive and mourn me as the freak who got away but they still think of as part of their extended family.
Of course I will pay extra for the animals. |
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I like the idea, but, it turns out that beauty is expensive.
Goons are cheap. A couple of hired goons with a hint of ex-
special forces about them will add mystery at a lower cost. |
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Yes, he registered to disappear. |
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Yes, please. I would also like to work for the company that
employees the lady in black with a rose. I would love to
accompany the grieving group around the grave. I have a deep
relationship with families who are suffering losses. |
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And zen_tom, that is brilliant. |
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//I think I'd like an entire travelling circus to arrive and
mourn me as the freak who got away but they still think of as
part of their extended family.
Of course I will pay extra for the animals// |
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So, a group of halfbakers gather in their typical wardrobes
and bring a few random pets, and there you go. |
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Hey here's a weird coincidink. [link]
Heh, I said coincidinklink... |
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Will there be a shootout, with military weapons, at the
cemetery? |
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Because that always seems possible and likely in the
movies. |
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© There were two kinds of people ... |
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