h a l f b a k e r yNo, not that kind of baked.
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Fartpower. The idea is that if you are standing naked on a frictionless surface and you fart, you will be propelled forwards with an acceleration proportional to the strength of the fart and inverse to your weight.
The momentum that one standard fart gives you is called 1 fartpower (fp).
I
would love to see car commercials of the future boasting "It's the all-new, totally redesigned, 600,000 fartpower Hyundai Elantra! Come in and test drive one today!"
The fartpower is naturally preferable to other existing units of power, because it is "hands-on" and easily identifiable by people of all cultures and intellects. Very few people can estimate how strong 1 horsepower is, but mention a fart and we instantly know what that feels like.
Of course, not every fart has a power output of exactly 1 fartpower, just as not every horse produces the same amount of horsepower. In fact, farts can range between 0 and approximately 10.0 standard fartpowers. (Values above 10 are suspect, as that level of propulsion could cause a 150-lb person to lift off from the ground.)
Hence, to adopt this new unit to worldwide use, one standard fart of medium strength will be passed by the Secretary of the U.S. Department of Weights and Measures, and this specimen will collected in an airtight balloon for permanent storage and reference. We will thereby define this fart as the Standard Fart, with a potential valued at exactly 1.000 fp.
1 fartpower = 1 bart
http://img.photobuc...e/learn_to_fart.jpg
Bart Simpson is the expert. [ldischler, Aug 16 2006]
[link]
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I wonder how many fart pounds per square inch my tires hold? |
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+ . Ingenious, [phundug], and a well-thought-out solution to a problem that, until now, I did not know existed. One tweak, though. "Fart" is a somewhat offensive word. Could we call this "fluff power" or "puff power", or perhaps "cut the cheese power"? Then my mother might use it too. |
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Hate to have my 44 "f.s.i." tires blow on the freeway. If there happens to be a lit cigarette butt close by, things could get interesting! |
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Of course, Newtonian physics would say that pure fartpower could only be realized without pants on. |
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If a medium strength fart on a scale of 0 to 10.0 is a 1.000, then it should be possible to fart negatively (propel backwards). |
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This idea stinks. It doesn't take into account the wide
variations of flatulence emitted, which, like crude oil
could be developed into a variety of by-products.
If the methane from cows can be used to heat the
farmer's home (sheesh!), imagine what the emissions from
a herd of corpulent hamburger consumers could provide
for the community.
We mere minnows could offer ours as rare commodities,
developing subtle aromatics which could be brokered on
the Fart Market.
Dab a little of this behind your ears, ladies! |
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[Shz] Does that mean a "negative fart" is a "burp"? |
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Ah, this explains those annoying exhaust sytems you see on Honda Civics - If it sounds more like a fart those punks must think it's more powerfull. |
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And suddenly instead of oil barons, you have the "Organization of Bean-Exporting Countries..." |
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I just did a Google search for "c in coulombs per fartpower" and the answer was 2.00000505! |
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And suddenly instead of oil barons, you have the "Organization of Bean-Exporting Countries..." |
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This is a fairly old system I believe. However, difficutly arose in dividing FP into units smaller than 1 standard FP, as can be seen in the following quote. |
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"I never before heard such a thing transpire:
I think the devil put it in his mind.
In all arithmetic you couldn't find
until today so tricky an equation.
How could one set about a demonstration
where every man alike should have his part
both of the sound and savour of a fart?"
-Geoffrey Chaucer, the Summoner's tale. |
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