h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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I would be terribly excited to meet another halfbaker in real life and I can think of no better way to celebrate the occasion than by filling my pants. With custard.
I have heard of flirting devices that beep when someone with a similar centrally-held profile in nearby, so I think this is eminently
bakeable.
Although it would increase the overheads markedly, I hope these knickers would be available in thong, brief, jockey-short, tanga, high-leg, g-string, y-front, and support styles.
Incidentally, I nearly let this idea post without checking the name - for a moment there it was going to say 'croissant-patterned knockers'. I think we can leave that for another day. Thanks to hippo for telling me to post this.
born here.
http://www.halfbake...2f2_20bakery_20book
[lewisgirl, Sep 20 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Bubble Jet Set
http://www.dharmatrading.com/bjset.html
Supposed to make it possible to print onto fabric with a normal inkjet printer. [snagger, Sep 20 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
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Croissant vote as promised. Y-Fronts for me, please.
With these I'll soon discover if I share my tube journey to work each day with any other Halfbakers. |
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[-alx] and [DrBob] live in the same town. Can we test on them? |
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Who has the expertise to make the prototype? (not me, sorry) |
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How do you "accidentally" fill your pants with custard? It has a ring to it of those courgette/bodily orifice/ hospital visit urban legends - "I accidentally fell over while cooking in the nude". |
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before lewisgirl came up with this - was there a handshake ? if so please elaborate for newcomers
french bun by the way |
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SDG - The Silk Bureau, Charlton, Worcs. 'produce short run fabrics to client's requirements using ... textile inkjet printer'.
Printing costs £26 per linear metre onto your own fabric (so cheap it is not).
Or you could try using a normal inkjet and Bubble Jet Set - see link. |
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Knowing as a certainty who had posted this just by reading the title I thought I'd add some kind of dubious comment. I see Peter beat me to it. |
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[lg]: I think you just gained another few cameo scenes for the film:
Two half-bakers approach each other. Their faces simultaneously show sudden shock, surprise and discomfort (in no particular order) as their underwear activates after years of disuse. |
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I would imagine that they'd become compulsory. |
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Ok, quick check. How many of us already wear our HB shirts in public? *raises hand* |
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Hi, [absterge], how're you doing? |
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Just an aside: Who else here lives in London? |
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I'll be in London next Friday, but I don't have a t-shirt yet. <hangs head in shame> |
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Don't worry, lewisgirl. I haven't got one either (yet). Just carry half a croissant. |
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<obligatory gag>Is that half a croissant in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?</oligatory gag>
Next Friday... Rods, LG - fancy a pint? |
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[lewisgirl]: If you like, yes. If not wearing tranparent clothes I would recommend carrying the other half more visibly. |
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[switched to [hippo]'s email] |
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st3f must of course join this merry throng. You can have the other half of my croissant. (I'll keep it out of my pants.) Only one person needs to wear the t-shirt really, so that sorts out the ID problem. Switching to email after I've been out to lunch.
hippo, you missed a b and it came back to sting me instead. st3f, transparent clothes... now that's a sartorial item I don't actually own... yet! |
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A "b", actually. 'P's are the ones with the line going down. |
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Mmmm...beer! E-mail to follow, hippo.
Just to clarify, lewisgirl. Everyone's assumed that the custard explodes inwards. Seems like a cold & clammy experience to me, unless there's a heating element involved.
Wouldn't it be better, and generally more entertaining, if the custard exploded outwards? |
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Indeed DrBob, there you have hit the proverbial nail on its thumb. I did intend for the custard to explode inwards for a private experience, since that is where these pants (crucially) differ from t-shirt usage: one does not need to alert the other baker. Both bakers (if wearing the pants) will experience the custard, but if I am in a hurry to get somewhere, I can try to ignore it, and miss out on the opportunity to converse with the baker. Examples:
Scenario 1. I am travelling on the Northern Line and a man sits down in front of me. My pants explode. I look across, I see the tell-tale 1/2bakery signs (which I have cunningly disguised in my own appearance)... unshaven, google-eyed (a bit like goggle-eyed but permanently affected by the craving to write BAKED!), twitchy fingers, a bag full of gadgets (not all of which make any attempt at time saving, most of which are clockwork)... I know this is hippo, but I say nothing. We pass like ships in the night.
Scenario 2. I am travelling on the Northern Line and a man sits down in front of me. I am wearing my halfbakery t-shirt. So is he. I don't like the look of him. I try to fold my arms, hold my bag in front of me, I hide my face, read a newspaper... all to no avail; he leans across... "Excuse me, they couldn't have been avoiding looking at her t-shirt. Would they have been knowing her from somewhere?" Ah! saved by an in-joke! "I don't know what you're talking about. I have a brother named Vernon, if that's any help?"
My point is that one can't really avoid the contact if the signs are displayed on the outer surface of ones person. However, I think it would be wise to sell the exploding custard sachet separately to the pants, since that would allow the 'baker greatest control over the observability of their proximity effect. So how about: croissant-patterned knickers, only for bakers who get particularly friendly, and velcro-attachable custard sachets for hidden or external use. The detonation devices should be re-usable, and should be compatible with various 'bakery hardware items like shoulder-dwelling pet pedants and so on.
Apologies to hippo for the unkind characterisation. See you next Friday! |
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perhaps we should buy the t-shirt and the knickers and give them to a friend ha ha |
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If everyone wears internally exploding custard pants, and manages to keep their faces straight through the moment, how will you know which other Halfbaker has caused the pant popping? |
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each item has an end user licence agreement sent out with them with the terms of service (or perhaps a brain implant would be more effective); it states that on detonation, both affected bakers are required to leap up and down maniacally shouting Croissant! croissant! until identification of the other party is achieved. You have to pay more to get the licence that enables you to choose to ignore the other popped pant person. |
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You'd also be able to spot other HalfBakers with custard-congealed loins by their slow, careful movements. As we all know, custard is a dilatant (or "non-Newtonian")fluid and any swift movement (caused by, for example, trying to run away) will cause the custard to rapidly solidify. |
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cf. "Praise Ideas" topic . . . Lewisgirl, your Sep 21 posting is my personal favorite of the entire halfbakery. Croissant to you, no barb hidden inside, no "you know what would make this even better?" no curmudgeonly reference to past postings, nope not me. |
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You're Celtic United, and baby I've decided croissant-patterned knickers would've been tasting best when filled with creme. . . |
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I think this is just getting creepy. We did fine without knickers on Friday. Custard would have been nice though. Actually, forget that. Beer was enough. I can't wait to see the photos. |
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*You* might have been not wearing any knickers on
Friday... |
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Ohhhh but I was, you great lumbering swamp-dweller. I just didn't need dilating knickers. I mean, dilatant-content knickers. <mental note> stop digging, Lewis. </mental note> |
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[lg]: dilating knickers? Whoa. Pants with a waist that expands when you eat and drink too much? What an idea? Oh no, that's just elastic. Forget it. Carry on digging the hole/whole. |
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I'm sure I posted an annotation regarding the pics from the digital camera. Seems to have gone, though. If you haven't seen them then follow Rods' link. They're in the same(-ish) place. |
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Wouldn't the custard storage device inside the knickers be obvious to passer-by? |
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Silk boxers with the croissant in a strategic location, with taglines printed randomly all over them. I'd wear 'em. |
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Make this similar to UB's Marshmallow Grenade, without the toasting bit. Just exploding custard pants. |
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coming soon: croissant-patterned swimwear, croissant-patterned pyjamas and croissant-patterned nappies so you can introduce your child to the glamorous world of halfbaking from an early age.
And, for those sour break-ups, why not give your former partner a pair of fishbone-patterned knickers? |
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You're all forgetting the most essential item for any Baked Baker, half or otherwise: protection. A suitably positioned freshly baked, crusty, half mooned croissant. I mean, it's cresent shape would perfectly sustain any result of coupling. |
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"Is that custard in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?" |
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(Must remember to fill my pants with custard at the next meet.) |
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Would bad bakers be required to wear fish-bone underwear? Recieving a crotch full of chunked tuna upon meeting a fellow baker? |
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This is one of the funniest ideas I have ever come across. |
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