chess conkers

what is a conker? a conker is the seed of the horse chestnut tree it is a hard brown nut which is found in a prickly casing. they fall from the tree when they are ripe during the autumn months. children have traditionally tied them up with lengths of string and then two players take turns to bash the living daylights out of each other's conker.

chess conkers is the name given to a variation of chess using the time honoured tradition of conkers. the primary objective in chess is to checkmate your opponent's king. the primary objective in chess conkers is to bash it into little pieces.

if you touch a piece intentionally during a formal chess tournament game, and it can be legally moved, then you must move it. in chess conkers all touching, nay bashing, (which is technical jargon in the conkers world) is intentional.

how to play chess conkers: each player has all his chess pieces hanging on strings. players take turns at hitting their opponent's piece: starting with the pawns and working up through the ranks.

there are hard and fast rules about the hitting process. If you are the one whose chess conker is to be hit first, let it hang down from the string which is wrapped round your hand. The chess conker is held at the height your opponent chooses and is held perfectly still.

your opponent, the striker, wraps his chess conker string round his hand just like yours. he then takes his chess conker in the other hand and draws it back for the strike. releasing the chess conker he swings it down by the string held in the other hand and tries to hit your chess conker with it.

if he misses he is allowed up to two further goes. if the strings tangle, the first player to call "strings" or "deep blue" gets an extra shot.

if a player drops his chess conker, or it is knocked out of his hand the other player can shout 'stamps' and jump on it; but should its owner first cry 'garry kasparov' then the chess conker, in friendly matches anyway, remains stamp-free.

The end game is the final round when the chess conker kings do battle. The winner is of course the player with a surviving king piece. the preliminary rounds, are of course, just for the heck of it.