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Whilst wondering why cheese is so damn heavy, I thought of hydrogen impregnated cheese ie cheese that is full of bubbles containing hydrogen.
Nor only should it be lighter, but it should be self-cooking. Lay one slice of Hydr-o-Cheez (tm) on a slice of toast, apply match and stand back.
Obviously
with the more expensive helium version it is not self-flammable, but then you can sound like Mickey Mouse and eat your favourite cheese at the same time!!!!
Standard disclaimers apply..
hydrogenation
http://chemistry.ab...a/hydrogenation.htm
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]
trans fats are found in most cheeses
http://www.wikihow....ecognize-Trans-Fats
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]
more on trans fats
http://www.mayoclin...h/trans-fat/CL00032
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]
Obligatory John Cheese (sic) link
http://m.youtube.co...h%3Fv%3DPPN3KTtrnZM
Not much of a Cleese shop, is it? [4whom, Jan 02 2014]
Return of the cheddar
http://www.aqua-cal...a-and-blank-cheddar
There is a disturbance in the formage [4whom, Jan 02 2014]
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//full of bubbles containing hydrogen// |
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That is not what hydrogenated means. Linky. |
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As for your idea you'll need some very large bubbles
to make it self-cooking, at which point it will be self-
burning... |
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Hydrogen is extremely mobile and will diffuse away relatively quickly,
unless the cheese is packaged in a thick-walled cast steel container. |
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Also, what [Voice] said; it would need to be a low-density hydrogen-
foamed cheese. |
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Comments noted and re-written... |
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I still think it's hydrogenated, in the same way that carbonated water isn't just carbon and water. |
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Shirley what's needed is a thin layer of thermite-
containing butter spread on the bread before adding
the cheese. It will then toast the bread and melt
the cheese in one seamless operation. |
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Oddly enough, a great deal of information is available about thermite, but it never seems to include what flavour it is. I suspect it may not be that tasty. Volunteers to find out, one pace forward. |
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//Volunteers to find out, one pace forward.// |
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The aftermath of thermite combustion is iron and
aluminium oxide. Iron tastes irony; aluminium oxide
has a fairly neutral taste. |
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I'm guessing when we finally do get to another planet...amid the ruins of their civilisation, gone aeons ago...it will be knee deep in snowglobes. |
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Just thought I'd mention that. |
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A snowglobe planet where snowglobes fall from the sky
each with minature falling snowglobes into infinity. |
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Aluminum oxide tastes very gritty and makes your
teeth smaller. |
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Yeah, but it has no taste, unless you're tasting the caustic soda contaminants as a result of the alumina extraction process. |
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Leave me stinking cheese alone, will ya? (don't know
why I wrote that, just came to my mind so I jotted it
down.) |
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Actually, koryciski cheese contains bubbles of
almost pure hydrogen, produced by the bacteria
that give it its characteristic flavour. |
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Usually, these bubbles are few and small.
However, some batches - for reasons unknown -
become incredibly bubbly, turning into a sort of
cheese foam. There was an incident in 1987
where one worker was killed and several others
were injured in a room used to age the cheese.
The room had been left unopened for two weeks
over the Christmas/New Year period, and the
batch of cheese that was being aged produced so
much hydrogen that, as soon as the electric lights
were turned on, a spark from the switch triggered
a violent explosion followed by an intense fire. |
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It would seem that the loss of so much cheese would
warrant an annual memorial if the event weren't
fraudulent, and yet no annual cheese disaster memorial to
speak of despite this being the same time of year. |
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Are you suggesting that I have created Hindenburg cheese... |
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<cuts to grainy black and white footage of a huge cheese bursting into flames at the Lakehurst Naval Air Station> |
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Incidentally, it seems cheddar is only slightly heavier than
water, with a difference of 4/100th. But bun for making
me google "cheddar + specific density". Something I really
have should have done in the past... |
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Perhaps we can "grow", or mature, cheeses at higher
atmospheres of pressure. Either underwater or with
artificially produced atmospheres. That way at STP, they
will in fact be less dense... It is my understanding that the
protein chains can absorb quite a bit of stress, a bit like a
rubber band (a la mozzarella). Added bonus, sell it by the
kilogram, under 40 atmospheres that is...or by weight at
STP. |
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// huge cheese bursting into flames at the Lakehurst Naval Air Station
// |
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"Most of the passengers survived the initial fire and crash, only to
drown in the consequent fondue. Most of the casualties in the ground
crew were from cholesterol poisoning. Crash investigation was
greatly hampered by the fact that by the time investigators arrived, the
molten wreckage had been almost completely consumed, mostly on
slices of toast ..." |
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If you were to make a battery out of cheese, overcharging it could replace the hydrogen lost to exfiltration. |
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Overcharging cheeses is not allowed under EU protocol EU-
15, EU-N10, EU-N2, EU-N1 and EU-28. However you do get
protection of trademark, etc. |
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Ahh, finally my brain is working... |
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The Hinden(cheese)burg(er)... |
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"Do you want fries with that ?" |
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Commemorated* in a poem by Robbie Burns (if he'd had a time machine). |
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William Topaz McGonagall would be more
appropriate, shirley ? |
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//William Topaz McGonagall |
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Err, no actual anagrams in there that might be related to "fire", "burn" "conflagration"? Or have you been at the WD40 again... |
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