h a l f b a k e r yIt's not a thing. It will be a thing.
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the bamboo bacon stretcher is a cost-efficient means of ensuring straight cooked bacon-strips; made by local pig-farmers in rural bangladesh to bolster the waning economy, these utensils are infallible in producing erect pork-products for the home consumer; not compatible with Sizzlean or Spam food substances.
Impossible objects
http://www.utc.edu/...ics/physicsfan.html
Well, I was prepared to eat my words and come up with a REAL bacon stretcher, but all I found was this. I actually hesitate to post this link; gosh knows Halfbakers don't need more inspirations like "thermal batteries" or "tachyon generators." [rmutt, Jun 30 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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Back in Dr. Mutt's boy scout daze, camping greenhorns would be sent on a futile search for plausible but non-existent apparatus like "left-handed smoke shifters" or "bacon stretchers." Other organizations have similar rites of passage: neophyte airmen are often told to locate a bucket of "prop wash." Given the scarcity of pork farmers in mostly-Moslem Bangladesh, I suspect we're being sold a bucket containing matter of a somehat higher density. |
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It ain't bacon, it's baked. I've got a plastic microwave bacon stretcher...put the bacon vertically in the slots, put the skewers through the ends, nuke it till it glows, then eat it in the dark. |
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What's wrong with funky-curly bacon? |
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If it's cooked, nothing. I don't like the bubbles of warm-but-raw fat that get left when it's cooked incorrectly... |
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cut nicks into the bacon fat with scissors...no more curl, all the flavour stays |
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Guys, Japan makes great bacon. It's really high class and doesn't curl up that much. |
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Also, you could try Italian panchetta. Japanese bacon seems to be based on this. Both are great. |
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Emerile says "Pork Rules!" so maybe that's the answer. Use a Pork Ruler. It would be
heavy metal and lay on top of the strips. Inch markings on the long side of course.
Now you need that wonderful square or rectangular frying pan, unless your stovetop
includes a grill in the center. |
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Maybe there's a round Pork Ruler for when you want to fry the bacon for those
delicious baconcheeseburge |
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they have somthing caled a bacon press it looks like an old fason iron you lat it over the bacon and it cooks flat |
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I would much rather have a bacon *curler.* |
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Who needs the extra oil while frying? Use your hair's own "natural cooking grease"! |
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Might prove to be a problem, though, for those of us who use rollers overnight yet still want decorative loops of delicious bacon in the morning. |
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