h a l f b a k e r yTempus fudge-it.
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A machine consisting of these parts:
(A)A digital
camera placed beneath a toilet seat and pointed at the
expected location of the user's derriere.
(B)A
computer.
(C)A Software to locate the
appropriate
place to put (assembly E) using (A)
(D) A robot
arm
Assembly
(E) consisting of:
A cheap
plastic, replacable multicelled bidet consisting of
(E1)Several sections separated by flexible plastic walls
with
(E2)A water hose outlet in each cell
(E3)Air hoses connected to each cell on one side and
(F)A vacuum pump that makes a mild vacuum inside
each cell
(E4)A water hose connecting to (E2) on
one end and (G)
A water and liquid soap pump
on
the other.
(H)A warm air blower.
(I)A
funnel capable of melting plastic and dropping it out the
bottom as a blob.
(J)A melted plastic blob
catcher
(K)A hopper containing more of the parts
of (E) that contact water and waste
The whole
machine operating as follows. (C) runs on (B) first
controlling (D) to put (Assembly E) against the user's
derriere with one cell over the sphincter, one larger cell
surrounding the first cell and covering the whole butt,
And
a third cell covering the genitalia. (B) uses pump (F) to
pull
subassembly (E) against the user's nethers with a gentle
vacuum. (B) uses (G) to pump first soapy water and then
pure water through each cell of subassembly (E). (B)
withdraws subassembly (E) using (D). (B) uses (H)to
gently
dry the user. (B) uses (D) to put (E) into (I). (I) melts (E)
into a blob and gravity pulls (E) into (J). (B) puts another
(E) onto (D) to prepare for the next use.
Oh. And I thought it had something to do with this idea.
Self_20Destructing_20Cigarette_20Butt
[normzone, Feb 15 2011]
[link]
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I am not putting my bits near anything with more than H
moving parts. That includes sheep. |
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Neither my arse, nor my fag end, are autonomous or multi-celled. |
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//Neither my arse, nor my fag end// saying nothing! |
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So, no good for contractile vacuoles. |
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I imagine the experience of using this would be similar to sticking your backside out of the window whilst you were in a car wash. If you didn't end up mentally scarred by the experience you would certainly have some physical ones to remind you of it. |
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Like it [+], although I think if the idea were to take off, the landfill problems from this could be pretty bad. You could re-melt the disposable subassembly (E), butt then there would be excessive energy cons(ti)ump(a)tion problems. Is there any reason why the sphincter washer couldn't be turned on the bidet pan? |
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Well, it doesn't have the yuck factor of the onboard toilets of the LEXX. |
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