h a l f b a k e r yIt's not a thing. It will be a thing.
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You forgot "cards going blank because of screen savers and discharged batteries". |
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There could also be a Joker card, that keeps changing on a random basis. In this case the deck requires a £53,000 investment. |
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An autoshuffle would be trivial to program and allow for even more arguments about cheating! |
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Do It. This will definitely work as one of those shock-art
installations. For a lot of reasons: it's got enough of a
comment on modern status-capitalism that it's frankly
overachieving as art*. It's a simple concept that can be
grasped by even the dumbest of Buzzfeed-a-like sites,
also including "iPhone" so very algorithm-friendly. It's also
rage-inducing enough to be sufficiently clickbait-y. |
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For extra points, partner with a gold-plating company and
use that to inflate the cost to >$100k. Then find a way of
writing off the whole "art commission" as a marketing
piece, an auction house seems a good candidate. Then
"sell" it for $1m to some stooge, cut a deal with the
auction house to keep their commission low, and you've
made ~$50k and a lot of publicity out of other wise lost
tax. Oh, and you still have 53 gold iPhones. If someone
*really* buys it then you're in the big bucks. |
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*maybe you could ham it up a bit and force people to play
with the deck for 16hr days at gunpoint. |
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Let me get this straight. You start with $0. Then you buy 52 iphones and get them gold plated. You now have -$100k. Now you sell it to yourself, paying a small commission and this MAKES money? |
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You forgot to factor in the media appearance fees and generous arts council grants. Also the licensing fees for your "exclusive" screensaver range. |
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This would be an ideal way of implementing a stupidly expensive Monopoly set. |
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// get them gold plated // |
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Well, that will at least confer some actual intrinsic value on the iphoneys. You could ask microsoft to do the work- they have decades of experience in applying gold leaf to dog turds... |
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// You start with $0. Then you buy 52 iphones and get
them gold plated. You now have -$100k.// |
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You're an auction house, Not a Sotheby's or a Christie's,
but in that general conversation, you're bs0-co Auctions.
Now, the world of art is largely built on hype/ ignorance/
boredom all balancing on a single pea of talent. But, as
an auction house, you have a responsibility to drive as
many eyes to your auctions as possible. If you can pull a
stunt to drive the eyes of 10x the number of rich people
to your auction, you will see a direct benefit in terms of
the interest and prices at auction, along with your
commission of course. Along with general brand
awareness. |
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To do this, auction houses do marketing and advertising,
you see it all the time on the web, for me it's classic cars
when I'm hanging about on car websites, and occasionally
watches. Anyhow, the point is, they have a marketing
budget. |
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The marketing department, when approached by an artist
might be tempted to have a $100k punt on a commission
for a piece like this. For them, if it makes the news -
fantastic, free marketing. Maybe Apple's marketing dept.
is contacted, maybe not, maybe Apple get annoyed, even
more news. |
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The artist acquires the iPhones, these are now assets that
are losing money, but, not a huge amount. You could
definitely recover money on 53 undamaged iPhones. So
the auction house is offsetting risk here (remember, the
auction house will own the whole piece anyway, this is a
commission). |
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Now, there are companies that will gold plate your
iPhone. It's not difficult, so the only tactic those
companies have is being more well known than the
others, so, you negotiate a nice bulk rate on that, and
they get their name on the stands or whatever. Now you
have gold iPhones as an asset, and, of course they're
unboxed, they had to be plated, still unused assets
however. |
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Now, the auction house has fronted $100k, and at a
minimum has $50k in assets coming it's way. It's risking
$50k that this will have any marketing benefit. So, a
small business using Google can easily spend $10k/month
to drive clicks to their website. A large business that runs
almost entirely on driving interest, like an auction house,
wouldn't sweat 100x that. We're in peanuts territory.
Now, the marketing team goes to work, we throw $50k at
photoshoots, interviews, ask morning TV, I'd contact
casinos to see if they want in, standard clickbait stuff
etc. |
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Ultimately, even if the auction house buys it's own piece
(anonymous buyers are surprisingly common), the cost
can be offset against the rest of the profits the auction
house makes, and would otherwise pay tax on. Whether
or not the stunt ACTUALLY worked at a profit in that
scenario would need to be teased out of the numbers of
the whole year. Now, if some gold-obsessed rapper or
whatnot REALLY bought the piece, you're really winning. |
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Brilliant. Make it happen and I'll give you 51% of
the profit! That's more than half. What could
possibly go wrong? |
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Well, let's see ... failure of the scheme, criticism in the media, prosecution for attempted manipulation of the auction market, imprisonment, bankruptcy, ridicule, disgrace, alcoholism, homelesness, and a squalid lonely death from a commonplace preventable infection, followed by a cremation at public expense which no-one attends apart from those present in a professional capacity. |
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But apart from that, the general idea seems sound. |
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Don't worry, it will stop soon enough. Always the same, the next stage is harranguing the hatstand, then standing on a street corner shouting abuse at passing seagulls, and then the nice young men in white coats come and administer a sedative... |
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Yes, definitely, in pretty much the same way jam drives away wasps ... |
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//[xenzag] please stop// As the scorpion said to his rescuing frog after he delivered the fatal sting "but it's my nature" |
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//how to deliver jam or soapy water at suitable pressure online// |
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There's a title just waiting for its subtitle and idea text... |
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