h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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+/- 1% Table is a four legged table with a subtle difference: It's
never
totally stable. One, or more of its legs will always be slightly
longer
or shorter than the others, and the table will be off balance, by a
factor of about one percent in any particular direction.
Placing little folded
up pieces of paper under the 'short' leg will
not
correct the imbalance. On carrying out such an action, a degree
of
stability may be created, but it won't last. Within a very short
space
of time, the table will be off-balance again. Shifting the under-leg
paper repeatedly from leg to leg, or adding more may be tried,
but
the end result will always be the same. The table will re-establish
its
imbalance because that is its permanent natural state.
Here's how it works: At the top of each leg, where they connect to
the table top, is a device. These devices are hidden by the skirting
that encircles the table top. Each device consists of a small silent
motor, and a sensor. The motors can raise or lower each of the
legs
by a few fractions of an inch. The four sensors are inter-
connected, and the entire system is powered by a rechargeable
battery. Anyone who looks up under the table will only see the
legs
disappearing underneath the false bottom, as the entire
destabilising
apparatus is totally concealed.
The table can, and will silently and relentlessly raise or lower its
legs by tiny amounts; just enough in fact to maintain its inherent
instability. Its processor can determine how many legs need to
move,
and by what amount, this action being initiated as soon as it
detects
that someone has tried to make it become stable.
Works best when people are trying to enjoy full cups of coffee, or
show how great they are at folding up little cardboard wedges,
and solving the problem of a rocking table.
Who wants to build this for me? Ha!
Astable Multivibrator
http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Multivibrator
Not at all salacious. [8th of 7, Sep 14 2014]
Turning a Wobbly Table Will Make It Steady
http://www.scientif...e-but-true-turning/
[xaviergisz, Sep 15 2014]
The wobbly table's tale
http://www.newscien...tale.html?full=true
Imagine dragging the table while keeping two diagonally opposite feet on the ground and tipping it so that the other two feet are at equal heights over the ground at all times. The authors have shown that it is always possible to find a stable spot with four legs on the ground. [xaviergisz, Sep 15 2014]
Evil door
Evil_20door
[calum, Sep 16 2014]
[link]
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A slightly simpler variant might take advantage of the fact that many
tables have "feet" which screw into the bottom of the table legs.
Manually adjusting
those feet normally suffices to make a table stable. However, if your
motors were inside the table legs, and were able to screw-in or
unscrew-out the feet arbitrarily.... |
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This system might well trigger incipient insanity and psychotic
behaviour in sensetive individuals. |
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Could this be done entirely mechanically? I am thinking of something like the clicking latch that is in the top of a push-to-retract ballpoint pen, fitted inside two or three of the legs. |
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In my role as executive designer for the Ministry for
Infuriating Objects I welcome your idea. In fact, if you'd
like to put together a CV* we'd be sure to look at it.
Recently, we've been working on a set of double doors,
like you might find in a government building or
department store. Early research had the "push" panels on
both sides, for confusion purposes. We're now up to a set
of double doors that will open only on the last of all 4
push/pull left/right options. We aim to infuriate AND
make you look stupid to the person behind. |
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*if the file arrives in an easily readable format, we'll be
disappointed. |
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// if the file arrives in an easily readable format, // |
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That would be a .CSV, shirley ? |
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This is almost as exciting as restless leg syndrome. |
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As far as my experience in life shows, this happens naturally
without any motors, although it is on of the anomaly's still
not understood by science, and used by Mormons to prove
their point. |
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//// if the file arrives in an easily readable format, //// |
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//That would be a .CSV, shirley ?// |
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That's trivial. If you want a document to be corrupted for a recipient in some infuriating way, you use MS Word.
I think that they heard about the concept of WYSIWYG and
decided that their internal policy was "absolutely not, at any
cost". |
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// put together a CV* .... easily readable format // |
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// That would be a .CSV, shirley ? // |
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Puns aren't funny if they have to be explained. Some puns aren't funny
anyway, but even the ones that are funny don't work if the audience
has the mental acuity of an elderly wallaby that's just been stunned by
violent accidental contact with a low-hanging branch, requiring the
pun and the funniness thereof to be explained slowly and in
excruciating detail, as if to a small child with severe learning
difficulties, a foreigner, or the chairman of the board. |
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"CV" ... "CSV" ... Curriculum Vitae, elided into Comma Separated
Variable ... so a CV could be sent in CSV format, which is a generic ....
oh, wht's the use .... |
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<Throws microphone on floor, stamps offstage muttering> |
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The idea should actually be titled "AsTable" or possibly "UnsTable". |
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[xaviergisz] the link is interesting, but the table I have
proposed will defeat any attempt to make it stable,
because as soon as it detects stability, it will adjust one or
more of its leg lengths to restore a state of instability. |
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To find inner balance one must first refer to the table of discontents. |
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I think we already have these tables in my local pub. Whenever we go in there, the first ten minutes are always spent sorting through the chairs in order to find the ones that have a viable degree of stability for us fat boys to sit on. It's not an easy task. + |
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I'm sure restaurants would be happy to offer special fat boy chairs on request. |
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See what I did there? I started talking about tables but finished talking about chairs. Senior moment. |
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[+] You devious little halfbaker you!!
btw- this could also work with chairs [DrBob]! |
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There are a few architectural and furniturial unpleasantries in the halfbakery: this one is at least as good as the seminal Evil Door (linked). |
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: gets up and wanders off, distractedly brushing leaves out of hair. |
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