Is there someone whos Christmas deserves to have a pall cast over it ? Now, with BorgCo's new GulitCard system, you can do it, in a seemingly innocent way.
To make your victim shrivel inside* simply register online at our website and pay your booking fee; you'll need to provide a scan of the target's
name and address - handwritten - and a cheery Christmas message for inside the card. Then choose a card from the range on offer, all glossy and elaborate.
Hopefully your target won't send you a card; if they do, hard luck (but it was worth a try). BorgCo will send an empty envelope, unsealed, with our address written on in pencil, to our sorting depot about 10 days before Christmas, using a stamp that then acquires a genuine dated franking from the postal service. The address is then erased.
Then a member of our highly skilled team will- using the scan template- carefully imitate your writing on both envelope and card using a real pen- not a printer. On Christmas eve, one of our delivery staff will discreetly pop the card through the target's letterbox, when it's far too late for them to respond.
For a small saving, you can choose and write the card yourself, then mail it to us at the depot address (using a pencil, of course). We'll still need a scan of the victim's address in your handwriting. Don't forget to pencil your unique reference number alongside our address.
Hopefully this will cause them a modicum of harmless but depressing grief, and ever so slightly tinge the festivities with a sense of regret and inadequacy.
* Since most senior managers in large companies are already dead inside, and thus this prank will be ineffective, save your money for our "Prepaid Grave Desecration Service" <link>