"Free and Clear" Card

How many times have you been at a party and seen a guy who you know has been in a different bed every night of his college life, and wonder what he's spreading around? Or maybe a girl that rumor has it is, "to die for", and sadly such is a requirement of spending the night with her?

STD's are easy to catch but sometimes impossible to get rid of, and just as often impossible to detect before you hop into bed. But not anymore! Just as certain immunization shots and physicals are required to enter certain levels of education, to progress to college one must get a complete check for all known STD's and recieve a card with any transferrable diseases written clearly on it.

Made purposely difficult to forge, this card has the swinger's name, picture, social security number, signature, and date of checkup along with a complete list of what you're getting into bed with. It can be updated as often as daily, or as infrequently as never, but that will show up on the card. Integrating displaying your 'Clear' card proudly before engaging in any sexual conduct into society would be as unsexy as condoms, but just as life-saving and widely used.

A standard STD test at most clinics costs about $90 US, but free clinics will take whatever donations can be made for the service, which is a small price to pay compared to other requirements for higher education. The issue of privacy is covered by the docter-patient confidentiality. After that, it is your own decision to show anyone you card, or to keep it at all.

Making the card difficult to forge means that not only will you need to pay hundreds of dollars to get a card which mistakenly claims you to be clear, it means you are spending hundreds of dollars into tricking people to sleep with you when you know you have an STD. Only the ballsiest and most evil of people would actually go to such lengths for sex.

Of course, having a mark on your card doesn't mean the end of your sex life. People with matching cards have no prejudice against each other and, of course, if some siren lures you into bed along with something you don't mind so much, it's your decision to back out or pull out.