h a l f b a k e r yNaturally, seismology provides the answer.
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You finally get through airline security
but
there's just one last detector to deal with.
As you walk through this machine on
your
way to the airline gate, a laser beam
traces a quick line around your head,
various other lights flash and some scary
sounding electronic noises crackle and
beep. It's rare, but from time to time an
alarm goes off and security descends on
the suspicious looking character and
takes
him away for questioning. It later turns
out
he was, in fact, a hijacker. The machine's
rate of detection is near 100 percent and
it
knows the difference between somebody
pretending to themselves that they have
a
bomb and somebody who really does
have
a bomb.
How does it work? It doesn't. At least not
by any high tech wizardry but nobody
knows that, not even the people
operating
the machine. It's just a big fake mind
reading machine with lots of lights and
gizmos. From time to time an actor from
the company posing as a passenger
triggers the machine to activate it. A
"special security detail" from the
company
takes it from there. They whisk him off to
some unknown location, presumably to
have more probes and one can only
imagine where those probes might go
behind closed doors.
Of course once word got out that this
was
fake it wouldn't work. But word would
also
"leak out" that a false story about the
machine being a phony was being
circulated by the company to ensnare the
terrorists.
Who's a terrorist to believe?
A twist on an old idea updated for
modern times. (See link)
Tried and true design.
http://www.snopes.com/legal/colander.asp
(At least in folklore) [doctorremulac3, Sep 25 2008]
Mind-reading scanner
http://www.telegrap...uld-read-minds.html
You couldn't make it up. Ahem. [sambwiches, Sep 25 2008]
Actual Brain Scanning used in Indian Courts
http://www.iht.com/...sia/15brainscan.php
So see? When nobody is looking you can put a real scanner in your gizmo. [mylodon, Sep 25 2008]
Complaint department phone line on hold background music
http://www.youtube....watch?v=mv9TqWDm_yU
"Please hold and thank you for using Mindtech" [doctorremulac3, Sep 25 2008]
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+ my company have just installed fake CCTV to reduce thefts - it's worked so far. Is there a way to get a remote control for it, so you can set it off for random people? |
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Check the link from yesterday's Telegraph: |
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"The Department of Homeland Security is testing a type of body scanner that seeks out invisible clues that a person might be harbouring criminal intent, such as raised body temperature, pulse and breathing rate." |
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//Of course once word got out that this was fake it wouldn't work.// |
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Expect a visit from homeland security, any minute now. |
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Wow. From the second link: |
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"She added it would be capable of distinguishing between someone with a hostile intent and a plane passenger, for example, who was merely stressed about missing a connection". |
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Let's throw in a little phrenology. Of course, your suspect will have to remove their turban. |
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You're right, you can't make this stuff up. Somebody is already doing it for us. |
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After going through security, I had to jog through Heathrow to catch a flight. I was taken aside and searched when I go to the gate. |
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This kind of thing terrifies me because I always get nervous when passing through airport security (in fact, I tend to feel uncomfortable in any sort of queue, to the extent that I do my grocery shopping online). The result of my discomfort is that I fidget, put my hands into my pockets and take them out randomly, refuse to make eye contact with anyone and fix my stare at the floor. I must look as if I'm trying to conceal something naughty because of the 6 times I've left the country this year (mostly by ferry) I've been stopped and questioned 4 times. If I ever passed through one of these detectors I'd be immediately shot. |
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// I'd be immediately shot // |
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..... and the downside of that would be what, exactly ? |
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Well, I have plans for the weekend. |
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//If I ever passed through one of these
detectors I'd be immediately shot.// |
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It doesn't really do anything so if you
got shot that would probably be a
result of a "glitch" in the system. |
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Don't worry, I've thought of everything. |
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"Thank you for calling Mindtech. Please
select from one of the following
complaints. For dizziness press 1. For
hallucinatory meatshower incidents
press 2. For accidental shootings press
3. Thank you for your patience and
thank you for using Mindtech." |
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Then while on hold you'd hear the
"theme" from Hypnotoad. (See link) |
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Terrorists will target the device itself. So before they proceed to the "Foolproof Super High Tech Terrorist Mind Reading Machine", they should first have to pass through a "Foolproof Super High Tech Terrorist Mind Reading Machine". |
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<Wizard of Oz> "Ignore that man behind the curtain!" </WoO> |
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There are terrorists out there who were trained as engineers, doctors, etc. so I don't think this would work as well as planned. |
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