h a l f b a k e r ycarpe demi
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To commemorate Liberation Day, BorgCo are launching a range of Brexit-brand products.
Under the proud flag of "British Brexit" will be a wide range of items, all unique, carefully manufactured to very high standards, less expensive and much stronger and more solid than any previous versions.
Under
the limp banner of "EU Brexit" will be a dismal selection of weak, crumbly, bland and deeply unsatisfactory items that are designed to please everyone, and thus satisfy no-one. They are grossly overpriced, massively overpackaged, almost completely content free, and have a very limited shelf life.
Currently under development is a further range of "Scotchxit" products, which are a sort of cheapy, tacky version of "EU Brexit" but distinguished by a very bitter flavour and a tendency to whine* continuously when unpacked.
*Obviously not proper whine; this is a stomach-rotting cocktail of Carlsberg Special Brew, white cider, Buckie, wood alcohol and hydraulic fluid.
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Borg-exit. Brexit.
I would have guessed the EU was the Borg in this scenario. |
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Guess again. EU ? They don't even speak a unified language ... altho it* was actually a realistic option up to 1944. |
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*German. Or maybe Russian... |
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Is Scotland planning an exit from the Great Britain? |
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Oh yes, some of them are quite keen on the idea. |
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A lot of English people are keen on the idea, too ... |
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* when paid for in € or $ |
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A Railshit card would be good for anyone
unfortunate enough to have to use the railways in
the UK. This card would store up all of the late
arrivals (that means every journey); every
cancelled train (that means every other journey)
and every overcrowded train where you have to
stand beside a toilet overflowing with boke. (that
means every journey too) At the end of the year,
you
get a refund in the form of a box of empty crisp
wrappers, elastic bands and clothes pegs to
dismantle, and make into a working model of the
Flying Scotsman. The instructions cost extra (of
course) and are printed in Chinese. |
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// anyone unfortunate enough to have to use the railways in the UK. // |
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There are some excellent railways in the UK; to cite just a few examples, the Severn Valley Railway, the North York Moors Railway, the Ffestiniog and the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch. |
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All have very good reputations for reliability, comfort and customer service, thus scoring highly on TripAdvisor. |
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// you get a refund in the form of a box of empty crisp wrappers, elastic bands and clothes pegs to dismantle, and make into a working model of the Flying Scotsman. The instructions cost extra (of course) and are printed in Chinese. // |
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Congratulations on declaring your independence from
Neuordnung of Europe part 2. Now the next time some
Germans drive up in an unmarked van and tell you to hop
in because they've got free candy inside what are you going
to say? That's right, "No!" and call the U.S. immediately. |
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// some Germans drive up in an unmarked van // |
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What, no iron crosses, or swastikas ? How very unsporting... isn't that cheating ? Are they allowed to do that ? |
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Then again, they're only foreigners, so fair play can't be expected. |
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They decided on a new image, pretty blue sky with sparkly
stars sell better than scary crosses. Next logo might feature
a smiley face or a teddy bear named Huggy. |
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"Huggy gets sad when people question his dominion over all
his friends in the HGSS (Happy Global Smiles Syndicate).
Don't make Huggy sad. You wouldn't like what happens
when Huggy gets sad." |
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Hire the Disney corporation to help people "Get in touch with their Inner Blackshirt ?" |
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That makes perfect sense, in a very twisted and frightening way ... |
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Open a series of re-education "theme parks" maybe? |
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New this Summer season, PyongyangDisney ... |
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