h a l f b a k e r yWe don't have enough art & classy shit around here.
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Zoo Lending Library operates like any other library
except
you get to check out and take home an exotic animal for
a
set period of time.
Naturally each borrowed animal comes with a
comprehensive manual that deals with all aspects of
care
and maintenance. Escape proof pens/kennels/tanks
are provided, but specialised food supplies, and
transport must be ordered and purchased in advance.
Here's just a few examples of what you can borrow:
Giraffe - to prune those tall, out of reach areas.
Lemur Troupe - pre-trained to move around in formation
as
perfect entertainment for a garden party. (can be
unruly)
Lazy Cheetah - strolls around all day, then out-runs the
fastest greyhound on any track. (before munching it
down!)
Spectacled Bear - loves to pose in hats for selfies.
Polar Bear - deters pesky neighbours from breaking in
and
using your pool while you're away for a weekend.
Elephant - tramples lumpy areas of garden and flattens
any
unwanted sheds by sitting on them.
Gorillas - love to
make drum solos by beating their
chests -
great for urban musicians to accompany.
The zoo of course accepts no responsibility for any
damage
the borrowed animal may inflict, including injuries or
death.
All borrowers must also lodge (as a security deposit) a
relative or friend who will be retained by the zoo in the
event of the animal not being returned. (Other terms
and
conditions apply)
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Annotation:
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This sounds like a poorly-camouflaged trick to break your close relatives in the reptile house out of jail ... |
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You can also borrow insects, so you need to be
wary. |
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"Uh, this Wagyu bull had four legs when we lent it out." |
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"Ah, you've brought the giant millipede back ... right, just need to do a quick check ... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine no don't wriggle ... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven oh he's frisky today, isn't he ... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven KEEP STILL ... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ..." |
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Ha.... that's an easy one.... Think of the poor
bugger who has to check the termite nest that was
borrowed for a Christmas light garden decoration.
Meanwhile, Mrs Max's grazing goat is inside the
only anaconda that was on the shelf. |
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