h a l f b a k e r yWhat was the question again?
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Zoogoers! How many times have you paid big bucks for zooo
admission, only to find that 90% of the animals (and all the
good ones!) are hiding and/or sleeping? Probably every single
time! In these dark days when feeding the animals is
prohibited, what can a zoogoer do to get a little animal
action
to wow the kiddies? BUNGCO feels your pain.
The animal husbandry division here at BUNGCO has long
manufactured Synthetic Heat, a mix of pheromones used to
facilitate artifical insemination and other indelicate processes
we will not detail here. These same chemists now bring you
Zoo Action Perfume, or ZAP! ZAP is comprised of pheromones
from a mix of large carnivores, concentrated for greater
potency, and is guaranteed to bring those wily animals out
from their shady refuges and right up the the cage, yowling
for love! Bears, leopards, bintarongs, civets, tigers and stoats
all go wild for the smell of ZAP! You will have a zoo
experience you will never forget, and your kids will learn
things about wild animals that they cannot find in books!
Coming soon, ZAP2 - with the estrous odors of elephant, rhino,
elk, bison, llama and all the other large herbivores our
chemist Doug could get his rubber gloves on.
ZAP is not recommended for safaris, wild animal parks, or
other non-enclosed animal viewing. Wash thoroughly before
coming home if you have dogs, cats or other animals.
[link]
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This could result in large beasts of the field throwing themselves frustrated and engorged against thier plexiglass cells, trying to get some of that bipedal smells-good-lovin'. I imagine whole generations of zoo-going tykes will be traumatised. Croissant. |
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I don't like this, those animals have it bad enough as it is. |
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what zeno said. gawd I'm in a bad mood... |
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There's nothing quite like the smell of a female sasquatch in heat.
Or cold, for that matter. |
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Just realized "Zoo action perfume" is a double entendre. Croissant for gross-out humor. |
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[bungston] Once you've seen an elephant's penis, angry, you will be depressed ever after. |
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Having worked in a zoo I think this would be great. |
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//zoo-going tykes will be traumatized//
Not any worse than when they watch a baboon eat its own vomit. |
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/Once you've seen an elephant's penis, angry/. I try to calm my mind before going out to view elephant penises. |
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I don't like the idea of interfering with the animals like this. But to play along, why can't the scent be released in a small dosage within the cage at a regular interval. This would at least create some sense of normalcy for the captives. |
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Then they'd learn to ignore it. |
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Or they'd be wired all day like a bunch of meth-smokers. |
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Mommy, why is it trying to burn that spoon? |
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"Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" |
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