Zombie Disguise Kit

One of the worst things about modern-day living is that you never know when a huge horde of the dead are going to burst from their graves and start hunting the living .

It's a problem and it's getting worse as the number of ways in which zombies may be created increases. In recent years we've seen zombies created as a result of ancient curses/prophecies, voodoo, reanimating viruses, demonic intervention, deaths in evil houses and so the list proceeds.

However, there may be an answer. It may be observed that, irrespective of the manner of their creation, zombies are pretty uniform in appearance and behaviour. They are pale, often sport numerous flesh wounds, have big starey eyes, and groan a lot. They also spend most of their time chasing the living and trying to bite them, whilst studiously ignoring their fellow zombies.

What is needed therefore is a way of blending in with the undead, so as to avoid their attentions.

The Instant Zombie Disguise Kit comes packaged in a discreet zipped compartment built into a stylish leather belt. In case of zombie uprising, simply unzip and apply. A generous supply of fake blood and rapid-application prosthetic wounds will have you looking grave fresh in moments, the white contact lenses will give your eyes that dilated glamour that every zombie strives for and a few sprays of Graveity - The Scent of Stale Death(TM) will have you choking on your own stench in no time.

With a little practice, it should be possible to apply the kit in under five minutes.

DISCLAIMER: Manufacturer accepts no responsibility for users shot in the head by a small band of plucky survivors, who mistook them for genuine zombies.

To avoid such regrettable incidents, manufacturer suggests that users break into a spirited dance routine in a style of their choice upon sighting other survivors, since everyone knows that zombies have no moves. The exception is 80's pop style dancing - this should be avoided at all costs since zombies execute this style quite proficiently as documented in "Thriller".