h a l f b a k e r yA dish best served not.
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Nobody wants to hear your stories of how you went away
and
scored perfect waves, hit it off with the locals, stayed in a
plush hotel and lived it up your whole holiday. People
would
rather hear about how you got chronic explosive diarrhoea,
while you were squatting in the bushes monkeys
stole all
your
food from the tent which was little more than a bed sheet
that you had to buy off a local for 10 times the amount it
was
worth after somebody stole all your credit cards.
This is where the "Holidays from hell" service comes in, you
go
away on your holiday and leave a few happy snaps with
them
and they do the rest, they will create a fictional disaster
story for what ever region you happen to be visiting,
complete with photos of your mates tied up in a shed in the
Cambodian jungle or held at gunpoint in a alley way in New
York city.
At the airport on the way home you collect a package with
info sheets for everyone with the story on them as well as
the
photos of bad things happening to you, on the way home
you
all get your stories straight and memorise your fictional
holiday, you will get to tell your story hundreds of times
while
everyone stares on in awe.
Travel writers have been making a packet out of holidays
gone
wrong for years now its your turn to wow and amaze people
who will find a new respect for you once they know that
you
have made it out of the stickiest of situations.
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Annotation:
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How did I know this was one of your ideas? A disease-ridden croissant for you. |
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a couple of customised plaster casts waiting for you to slip into (something more uncomfortable) would be rather neat. thank you for making my day. |
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Instructions on applying make up to give you any appropriate rashes too would be nice. |
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Having spent a few years basking in the fame/infamy generated by umpteen re-tellings of my own particular travel disaster story, I reckon that this idea absolutely hits the spot. |
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some oversized parasites peeking out of your ear or hairline would be the perfect accessories when telling your tale.... |
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Personally I find absolutely nothing is more boring than the inevitable tragic holiday airport narrative. Holiday hell stories seem to be more formulaic than nice holiday stories |
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I like the idea, but I shall never require it. For I am "The Fiasco Master" Jinbish. I can lose bags at airports, sit next to weirdos, get on the wrong tube trains, innocently insult indiginous folk. I share hostel rooms with maniacs, get given wrong directions, go on wild goose chases, get lost, get found, get lost again. I generally wear innappropriate clothing. I can't stomach any local food - nevermind the 'delicacies'. All of the above happen to normal people at some point. They happen to me all the time, almost always in a highly comical fashion |
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In fact, I could be a consultant for this company. |
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Ha! Maybe we should team up, [Jinbish]. With your expertise in those areas and my knack for having money trouble involving running around trying to find banks in Asian outposts while collecting rare and exotic illnesses, we'd be unstoppable! |
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I think this needs to go a step further. The best man at your wedding hires a company whose sole mission is to make your honeymoon as "memorable" as possible. Everybody needs an adventure now and then. |
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Or, *you* hire them to pose as troublesome goons, irksome suitemates, bungling thieves, idiotic hotel managers, etc. without your significant other's knowledge. After a feigned robbery and chase, you kick their asses in a streetfight, Bruce-Lee style. |
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The best scenes would be given to Candid Camera, at your discretion, of course. |
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