Yo, Crisps!

The Humble Crisp - revered and treasured since ancient times (small clay jars containing various (mostly dog) flavoured of crisps have been found buried at archaeological sites as diverse as Stonehenge, Machu Picchu and The Sphinx) - are known in some countries, rather confusingly, as "Chips".

Contemporarily, now, and these days, the crisp is normally available in sealed foil-backed packets, often along with a number of other crisps. This increases convenience a great deal, but in doing so diminishes the crisp from its rightful taxonomical classification as a meal, all of itself, to that of a snack, or mere picnic component.

Yo, Crisps! is a new paradigm in crisp preparation and retail - and has franchise opportunities opening in your area now!

A client is drawn inexorably into the shop by means of the delicious smell of crisps. Once they find themselves within the clean, minimal wood-and-tile surrounds, they are herded into a queue that passes them in front of the first station - the potato display - here they are greeted by a smiling imbecile and asked to make a choice of spud; Jersey Royals, Yukon Golds, King Edwards and even Salad Blue varieties may be available. Once chosen, these are promptly mandolined into 2mm, 5mm or 7mm slices (based on preference) and dropped onto the drying conveyor and the client ushered thither to the next station.

Station 2 provides the client the means to pick from a number of flavoring options - Salt, Slaked Vinegar, Paprika (should one be feeling particularly European), Squid flakes, Cheese Powder and Cucumber Salt are all represented here - whatever the options, they must consist in total of a wide and astonishing variety. The client, ideally whipped into a state of mild bafflement is hustled into picking up to 3 ingredients which are scooped into a steel bowl by a second grinning devolute. Meanwhile, the dried potato slices have traversed the conveyor behind this station and are visibly seen to drop into the BUBBLING CAULDRON OF OIL, to boil, fry and otherwise enfrite to perfection.

At station 3, a third fawning simpleton lifts the hot steaming crisps from the hot oil by means of a delicately crafted runcible spoon, shakes off the excess oil and tumbles the content into a sturdy brown paper bag. The powdered flavorings chosen at station 2 are then poured over a sieve so as to snow attractively over the bag of crisps and the slavering client is finally charged something in the region of £10.

The client is invited to add salt, chilli-flakes or hoisin source from a self-service kiosk on their way out.