Woodpecker of Doom, and Steel Drum

I like the sound of a woodpecker foraging, the “br-a-a-a-a-t” rapid fire pecking sound, echoing in the distance. But I’d really like a big, mechanical, compressed air-powered woodpecker. It could be clamped halfway up a pecan tree, to shake those pecans out.

Below the branches, I’d place a specially designed large musical Caribbean steel drum, to surround the trunk, to funnel the pecans into one spot. When pecans fall, they’ll hit the drum, to create a brief calypso cascade.

In the fall, I’ll clamp the Woodpecker of Doom to a loaded pecan tree, set up the drum and start the compressor. At the flick of a switch, “BR-A-A-A-A-T” goes the bird, shaking the tree in an ear-splitting, earth-shattering roar, causing a flock of crows 2 miles away, in fact everything in the blast radius, to flee in terror. This will be followed by a few seconds of the “clink-thunk-clankity-clank” of the steelpan. Wait, I think I see a pecan still clinging on for dear life up there…

And that’s it, in a nutshell.