h a l f b a k e r yI never imagined it would be edible.
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When we were young, we had dreams - wishes for a
bright future
where anything was possible. Every day our
lives were simple, uncomplicated and surprisingly easy to
describe
with hippyish language.
Over time our dreams were gradually degraded by
contact with
the world, and unfortunately
we were not
eligible for the money-back guarantee because general
wear and
tear was specifically excluded. Thus we
became the bitter, cynical, resigned, tired messes that
we see in
the mirror today.
How we yearn for that happy time when our hearts sang
with
positive energy! Not overtly, of course - we
still enjoy the crap out of pain-inducing stuff like
mocking the
work colleague's new hairdo or teasing the
sibling about their failure to secure a reliable significant
other -
but that longing is there, deep down inside. OK, REALLY
REALLY deep down inside.
Well now you can return to the womb and make a fresh
start any
time you like in the comfort of your own
home! No need to pay thousands for your own isolation
tank, or
hundreds per session to some Birkenstock-clad gem-
tossing freak!
The Wishwasher is a kit to convert your dishwasher into a
rebirthing tank. Pull the racks out, wrap the
spinning blade in the supplied foam sleeve, fit the base
that
protects you from the heating element, attach
the internally accessible doorstrap, grab the waterproof
remote
and climb right in!
Feel the darkness envelop you as you curl into the foetal
position
(not that you have a lot of choice about it).
The warmth of the water gradually soaking you from all
angles
combined with a soothing continual wooshing
sound takes you back to the womb in 86 minutes, or 24 if
you're
having a quick rinse rebirth. You're now
ready to make your first newborn cry! (make sure the
unit has
fully drained first).
Get the Wishwasher today and Wash those Wishes! Dowse
those
Dreams! Hose those Hopes!
born_20again_20swimmingly
redundant [xenzag, May 24 2012]
[link]
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Love it, brings a recherche du temps perdu tear to my eye, which is remarkable considering you're talking about a kitchen appliance - an unlikely [+] |
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Alternately, turn your back on the shit that's holding
you back and take a few risks, you wuss! |
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I just wanted to be a sniper..not all of our dreams were that societally desirable, in retrospect. Or should that be "prospect", if I was looking forward? |
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Because I love to talk about myself, I'll give my own
example: |
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I've been writing for pretty much my whole life. Having a
grandmother who is an English PhD certainly influenced
that. At twenty, I knew I wanted to be a writer. It took me
ten years of doing other things, suffering traumatic
injuries, falling in love, and educating myself before I
finally had everything it takes to sit down and write a
decent story. |
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In October 2010, I left a go-nowhere job in private security
to step up and take the plunge: I had decided to become a
professional fiction writer. The decision was very difficult
for me. I knew that, even if I made it, it would be years
before I started making real money at it. I was afraid to
tell my family that I wanted to stop working full-time in
order to pursue my dream; when I bit the bullet and
announced my intentions, they surprised me by backing me
whole-heartedly (the general consensus was "It's about
fucking time!"). |
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I sat down and started writing. I read books about writing.
I read and re-read some of the best contemporary fiction,
and I've become very good at deconstructing a story. I
hooked up with a submission service (which is sort of like
an agent for beginners). I've written about 350,000 words,
completing forty-something short stories (most of which
are shit) and starting two novels (one is utter shit, the
other is shit with promise if I tear it down and start over
from the beginning). I've submitted eight of my best stories
to over 150 different literary journals and quarterlies. |
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This month I had my first story published. I'm proud as piss.
I go to the website every day and look at it. I'm on my way.
I _know_ I have the chops to make it big time, and six days
out of seven I have the determination. I _know_ I'm a
better writer than at least 50% of the professional novelists
working today. All I have to do is keep writing and
publishing. |
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This post is funny, as well as inspiring and hopeful in a
perverse sort of way, but it also makes me sad. [UnaBubba]
is absolutely right. If you have a serious dream, follow it.
Don't stand at the edge of the cliff and look over, get a
running start and leap. I know it's frightening. I know you
could be risking a lot. I know it hurts when you hit bottom.
It takes balls. But there just aren't enough people chasing
dreams these days. We need more. |
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Well I followed my dreams: I started a business. A
year later I still have no clients and I'm not sure I can
make rent. |
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Get another run-up and leap again. |
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//If you have a serious dream, follow it.// When I
was young, I dreamed of being 18. I have kept that
wish alive well into middle age. |
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Congratulations on getting published! Can you link? |
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It's at the top of my profile page. I just checked the link, it
works fine. Enjoy! |
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Anyone who is dubious, please trust me: jump off the cliff.
Repeatedly. Bones will be broken and blood will be spilled,
but sooner or later you will figure out how to fly. |
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As I write this, I am taking a break from stuffing yet
another story into envelopes. Will it be rejected, or will
somebody publish it? Will I fly again, or land in a crumpled
heap? Don't know. Don't care. Leap again. |
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Huzzah! to [Alterother]. Huzzah I say. |
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What AusCan said. (Whatever it is that he said.) |
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see link [marked-for-deletion] redundant |
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That's... a bit of a stretch, [xenzag]. |
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How is it a stretch? It's the same idea - ie a device that recreates the experience of being in a womb pre-birth. |
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Different means, different method, for different
purposes. That they share a single element doesn't
make them the same idea, any more than football and
rugby are the same game because they both involve
carrying an oblong ball to the end of the field. I think
linking to your idea is quite reasonable, but the MFD
seems a bit excessive. |
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what [ytk] most recently said. |
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No, no, no, you've got it all wrong! This isn't about me! |
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<steps back up to pulpit> |
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I'm sorry; what I mean to say is thank you all for your
congratulations, as sincerely received as extended, but
this isn't about me and the very small and quiet beginning
of my success (okay, let's make it just a little about me),
it's about how I've come to realize that those dreams we
had when we were young don't have to go away when we
grow up--our dreams can grow up with us. |
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The things we dream about seem so unattainable because
they entail risk; usually a daunting amount of risk, which
threatens the comfort and stability of our lives. We have
responsibilities now. All of us are beholden at least to
ourselves, many to lovers, spouses, children, aging
parents, etc. Chasing those dreams and confronting that
big bad risk puts all of the people we are beholden to at
that same risk to varying degrees. We are adults, to a
given value of adulthood, and we have become so more or
less by learning to play it safe and only take small risks.
We have been taught that it is okay to go up to the edge of
the cliff and look over, but that we must never, ever
jump, because only bad things happen to people who jump
off of cliffs. |
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I'm not crowing about my success here. I do plenty of that,
enough to get my fill of it. What I'm doing here is trying to
demonstrate that you can jump off of that cliff, which in
this case is a metaphor for pursuing your dream. |
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1) The Running Start: get your shit together. Save a little
money. If you're beholden to anyone but yourself, make
sure everyone knows you're going to jump and that they
support
your decision, or at least understand it. |
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2) The Leap: give it everything you've got. Here's a tip: it
won't be enough. |
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3) The Landing: it fucking hurts. Nobody flies the first
time.
Nobody. Pick yourself up and go back to the top of the
cliff. |
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Repeat steps 1-3 indefinitely, learning from every
experience you have and every mistake you make and
every other dreamer out there falling alongside you, and
you will eventually achieve |
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4) Success: congrats, you flew for about five seconds. Keep
jumping. |
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This may sound hokey, but I'm fucking totally fucking
serious. Dreams are made real by perseverance. I'm not
saying this to some random dude-I-wannabe-a-rock-star
idiot, I'm saying this to Halfbakers, people who have at
least a passing familiarity with real life and know how hard
it can be; people who come together on a regular basis to
discuss shit that passes clear over the heads of a good
chunk of the Earth's population; people who have the
intelligence and creativity to forge real success out of a
seemingly unattainable dream. As Joseph Heller wrote:
Jump! |
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P.S.: while I was writing this sermon, I received an email
from a literary magazine, rejecting my latest story. |
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I followed a dream but it turned into a cubicle. Go
figure. |
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In years past we'd kicked around the notion of
publishing a Halfbakery digest of the best/funniest
ideas and splitting the profits somehow. |
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[xenzag] has some sort of persecution complex,
insofar as he/she/it imagines everyone is
plagiarising his/her/its ideas. |
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I had a couple of run-ins with him/her/it when I
was last here, over ideas that were for remotely
similar things to those he/she/it had posted.
He/She/It becomes quite vituperative when
provoked on the issue. |
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Kinda sad really, because he/she/it shows
occasional flashes of decency and humanity, at
other times. |
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Vituperative; great word. I must steal it from you. |
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//imagines everyone is plagiarising his/her/its
ideas.// [ub] Hope you learned how to calm down,
and behave during your kamikazi induced absence. |
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//ask for a 2 month holiday// Ha - I did exactly
this just a week ago (ask, that is - the 2-months
are due to start over the Olympics) - my dream is
to build a big shed in the garden - well, more of an
outbuilding really, for doing woodwork in. |
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My other dream is to finish coding a computer
game. |
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Both these dreams are related in that they are
both stepping stones towards what I wanted to do
when I left school, which was to take over the
world with robots. |
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I'd ignore the mfd- I think there's significant
differences here - one is a method of teaching
people to swim by recreating the conditions of
the womb - the other is an alternative use-case
for a dishwasher. |
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Yikes, you never know what you're going to kick off here!
This is the kind of thing that makes me speechless. |
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There's a reason I filtered you and your ideas from my
view of the halfbakery, [xenzag]. I'd appreciate it if
you could do the same to me. |
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[ub] Calm yourself, and be happy :-) |
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I can out post you!
---xenzag, May 25 2012 |
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What are you going to do, Voice? Any tangents you
could turn your business with? |
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//Drop dead.// ha - still as unhappy as ever. |
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ahhhhh - if only we could all be happy shiny people again :-) |
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So much hostility... cannot we all overcome our
differences, unite as 'bakers, and together channel our
combined rage and loathing toward the outside world,
where there are things actually worth hating? |
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I'm not trying to be the Halfbakery hippie, but I really think
we should stand together as wierdos and celebrate what
we have here instead of squabbling... |
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Ah, nevermind. I always get sentimental when I'm drunk. |
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I'm cold sober and I agree. |
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As do I... it's not every day that some tells me to "drop dead". I certainly don't come here to be subject to bad tempered, childish abuse. A most disappointing development. |
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I'm cold sober, but I'm doing something about it. |
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Brilliant! Let's all of us have a drink together! And for
those who don't drink... The sentiment is all that's needed. |
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//I always get sentimental when I'm drunk// ha - better than getting slightly mental. |
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[Alterother] Great short story! |
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Am I too late for the drinking and the carousing? |
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It's never too late for any of that:-) |
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Aye, to the Halfbakery!! And bring pitchforks!! |
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Pitchforks and burning staves, and, and, and, tin openers, and paperclips, and aardvarks. |
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Aye, it be a full moon - bring ye a brace. |
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