h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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Patterned glass is a wonderful thing, but it is inconveniently difficult
to see through.
Difficulties in seeing through patterned glass begone!! MaxCo is
childishly proud to present the MaxVision Window Defroster.
Simply set up the binocular telephoto digital camera on a stable
support,
aim at the window in question, and connect to your laptop.
Start up the MaxVision software, and you are good to go.
Images scattered through a patterned glass will be distorted in a
predictable way. However, they cannot be fully deconvoluted
because some light rays will be deflected in such a way that
different parts of the image become superimposed by the time they
reach the camera.
Fortunately, a sterescopic camera is capable of resolving and
deconvoluting such scattered and superimposed images, and our
sophisticated software will do the rest.
During the first few seconds, the software will test a library of
common repeating glass patterns, trying all combinations of
rotation, offset and distance. During this time, it will evaluate the
image quality in essentially the same way as a focussing system does,
seeking the least-complex and most contrasty image.
Should this fail, an evolutionary algorithm kicks in, modelling the
patterned glass in 0.1mm square pixels, optimising the thickness of
glass in each pixel until a model is arrived at which, again, produces
the clearest image.
Not suitable for use by children or adults.
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Will this post mysteriously disappear once the CIA realises their latest gizmo is on the web and, if it does, will I still be able to see it by using your device? |
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You'd think producers of patterned glass would sell their panes with the appropriate deconvoluting software for digital cameras. + |
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Is it possible to produce extra-frosted glass to outwit the device? |
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Oh great, please stop inventing defrosting things. Next you'll be inventing devices to defrost cakes. Wait...I defrost cakes. So I guess therefore it (I) am already baked? |
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Surely you can defrost a cake by leaving it on the side for a few hours? Or use a microwave oven if you are in a hurry? |
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//Is it possible to produce extra-frosted glass to outwit
the device?// |
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It is possible to design a relatively simple pattern which
will outwit even the MaxVision Window Defroster, using
stochastic prime fractals. |
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Panes of Defroster-Proof glass can be ordered from our
sister company, Maxicurity Co. |
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A software upgrade allowing the MaxVision Window
Defroster to see through even stochastic prime fractal
glass is available from MaxVision free of charge after paying
a modest registration fee. |
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"During the first few seconds....."
"Should this fail..."
And should nothing satisfactory transpire in your field of vision by this time the system memory will replay the last twenty minute stretch of successfully resolved and deconvoluted video from a recent viewing so that the viewer may successfully, albeit temporarily, resolve his socially convoluted anxieties. |
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