h a l f b a k e r yBreakfast of runners-up.
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Fake Pentagon/MIT/AREA51 summons letter to half bakers of a
certain disposition who are having a moment of mania and losing
insight, think they have made something stupendous. Eg. free
energy/cured cancer / superluminal hat/ perpetual orgasm
machine using only
ordinary domestic items..
Admit
it, who hasn’t once secretly thought they were really on to
‘something’. Now it’s just a case of waiting by the phone/ the
email/ looking out for airforce 1/ the queen and Prince Harry to
land
in the back garden and take you away from all this to some
nirvana
where Asian babes really do want to meet you. This may even
have
happened to me.. not the helicopter, or the babes, the mania. I
am
prone to it, and boy do the delusions of grandeur feel good. Then
you wake up the next week and discover your answer to the
“meaning of everything” was the square root of blue cheese.
This anno would be like a sarcastic comment to either a) help
bring
you to your senses sooner, or more likely b) gently nurture the
madness ( sarcasm doesn’t work on young children and the insane)
For example :
“I think you may have something significant here - please contact
me as a matter of urgency. Your country needs you. Yours,
Lieutenant General Cybo. RG. PhD, DPhil defib.N’uff SED.V.c. Ps
your
family has been put in protective custody. all happy watching tv.
please do not discuss this matter with anyone. Halfbakery as a
web
site has been reassigned under military security order no 235 and
its
contents conscripted. do not attempt to contact anyone or leave
the
house. “
Later you will get the joke
Of course one day you may really surpass yourself. Then when the
men in uniforms come in a helicopter to take you to AREA51
research facility, you will probably laugh in their faces and rip
open
their uniforms, looking for the stripogram. Which is a good thing
too.
[link]
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What? Hasn't this happened to you already? All the
rest of us are sitting in various luxurious
Government safe-houses already. |
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Well ... some of us are lying down. |
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Ok, they’re going to have to kill you both now, probably
with nerve agents or even suffocation by babes sat on your
faces. |
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The symptoms are probably similar |
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Yes, but "victims" don't pay out thick handfuls of folding money to die from acetylcholinesterase inhibiting toxins, whereas .... |
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// boy do the delusions of grandeur feel good. // |
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They certainly do, except in our case, thankfully, they're not delusions. |
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All of us are in the gutter - some of us are looking at the stars. |
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The fire escape treads have little holes in them for drainage ... it's just the street lights shining through. |
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You can't see the stars because of the thick overcast and the pollution haze. |
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I was expecting something more steampunk. |
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//Admit it, who hasn’t once secretly thought they were really on to ‘something’.// |
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// who hasn’t once secretly thought they were really on to ‘something’. // |
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We have frequently thought that some* hb contributors are "on something", but not necessarily "on to something". |
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In fact, quite the reverse - "on a hiding to nothing" just about describes it. |
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*Apart from the obvious ones like [IT] and [beanangel] who are clearly just badly-written AI bots created by bored, marginally-competent pre-teen programmers. |
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My arse! No, you’re right, that funnels wind in t’other
direction |
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//something more steampunk// Like in the paper version
of halfbakery in that other, papery dimension, where the
halfbakery conductor winds a little knob on side of his anno
dispenser - that kind of thing ? |
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Yes, and then we roll up the scraps of paper and insert them into a brass capsule which we pop into the vacuum tube for delivery. |
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