Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Wanking off Counter

 Let's you know how close you are getting to the old myth of going blind
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Toilets have many uses. For one use, namely masturbation, I asked myself of how many times I have used it for this use. If only when I had moved into this apartment I had installed a wanking off counter to the toilet. By measuring the movement of the ol' porcelain throne rocking back and forth by way of a seismograph, the wanking off counter can measure the number of "completed wanking off"s. It can also measure individual wanks along the lines of some RPG video games measuring the amount of steps taken during a game.

Either amount will be proudly displayed in large LED numbers above the toilet for all to see. It can serve as a conversation piece at parties, an ice breaker for dates or just a precise tool for those horny accountants/mathematicians in the world. Only a complete jerk off would not buy one... or would he?

—MrDaliLlama, Apr 15 2006

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       //by way of a seismograph ... can measure the number of wanks//
Or just how many wanks kick your bathroom fixtures.
—Letsbuildafort, Apr 15 2006
   

       \\an ice breaker for dates\\ I can't say that I generally start my dates off in my bathroom.
—hidden truths, Apr 15 2006
   

       sp: masturbation.   

       [-]
—Texticle, Apr 16 2006
   

       <Letsbuildafort>, I have yet to ever kick a bathroom fixture so this would not be an effective method of counting. <Hidden truths>, this would be to the niche market of "guys who start their dates in a bathroom." It is with a fond heart and a renewed love of life that someone named "Texticle" corrects my spelling error of masturbation. And <Ian Tindale>, upon thinking of your point I have changed the name to "Wanking off counter" to reflect the entire process counted versus each wank being counted.
—MrDaliLlama, Apr 17 2006
   

       //I have yet to ever kick a bathroom fixture..//
I'm just saying - if we were "pals" and I KNEW you had one of these things installed, I would kick your toilet every time I was within a city block of your house.		   

       And what the heck is wrong with "Texticle?" That feller is a great speller.
—Letsbuildafort, Apr 17 2006
   

       <obligatory When I First Read This Idea anno> WIFRTI I thought it referred to a location where one was sent to *wank off*, sort of like a Complaint Department for people who are being complete idiots and should therefore go *wank* themselves. I know I've often thought that about some people, but it would be great to actually have some specific place to send them!   

       And think how much funnier it would be if they never clued in!
<begin PA announcement - Paging Mr. Bean, please report to the Wanking Off Counter. - epaa>
—Canuck, Apr 17 2006
   

       They'd definitely need the protective glass.
—AfroAssault, Apr 17 2006
   

       Too bad www.tmi.com is already taken -   

       As for ice breakers in the bathhouseroom - somewhere along the line, "knob" would be the key word.
—thumbwax, Apr 17 2006
   

       Why is everyone assuming that [mrdalillama]'s toilet is in the bathroom. With the counter, I would assume that he would want to display things proudly in his living room, or front hallway.
—Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 17 2006
   


 

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