h a l f b a k e r yA riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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I have a hypothesis that we just happen to be living at a time when the rubbish species Aileuropoda melaleuca is too, and the fact that it's going extinct is not because of us but because it's crap. It abandons half its young, has no libido and does a whole load of self-defeating stuff. This is in
contrast to all the insects, molluscs, plants, vertebrates and the rest which are just dying out because we're doing things which endanger them in various ways. At the same time we waste money and resources trying to prop up a loser species which ought to go to the wall, and some people are keen on hunting.
The WWF's patron has of course been that famous huntin'-shootin'-fishin' guy and father of the future Reiki Master, the Duke of Edinburgh. It also has a panda as its logo. If we're serious about saving biodiversity, we would decide once and for all to stop wasting money on the panda, and one way of doing this would be to use WWF funds to pay people to go out and hunt them to extinction. Then they'd be gone forever, and we could stop wasting money on them and satisfy people's desire to hunt an endangered species which actually deserves to become extinct rather than one which is only endangered because its horn is an alleged aphrodisiac or something. Once that had been done, we could get on with spending money where it would actually do some good.
Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind.
wasn't it great - that idea that Chris Packham had
http://www.telegrap...wed-to-die-out.html
[po, Dec 23 2010]
This idea has it's own theme song.
http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/31708900
Ala Sean Cullen [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 23 2010]
Did the World Wildlife Fund sue the World Wrestling Federation?
http://wiki.answers...restling_Federation
[hippo, Dec 23 2010]
Ersatz panda
http://www.inquisit...n-japan-panda-dogs/
AND they can breed. [MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 23 2010]
David Dimbleby and the Pandas of Doom
http://www.bbc.co.u...and_the_pandas.html
[po, Dec 24 2010]
come on
http://www.youtube....watch?v=XbqzgDnfMsE
[zeno, Dec 25 2010]
Wikipedia: Diet of Worms
http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Diet_of_Worms
[rcarty, Dec 28 2010]
Panda poop may be a treasure trove of microbes for making biofuels
http://portal.acs.o...8-bed8-b09fc25386bb
[swimswim, Aug 31 2011]
(?) Should we save the panda?
http://www.societyo...s/biologyweek/panda
I wonder if they might be receptive to this idea. [Wrongfellow, Sep 27 2012]
[link]
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//we waste money and resources trying to prop up a loser species //
So who are the real loser species then, eh? ;o) |
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Surpising [ninteenthly]. I thought that this was written by someone else. |
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Has it been proven that their lack of libido, child abandonment, and self defeating-ness are not due to environmental or chemical changes...maybe brought on by us? |
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Well maybe, but that would depend on their history. |
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OK, [po], that would be grounds for deletion so i'll just leave this up a little while longer for it to register that it's widely known to exist and then nuke it. Can't say i liked it much, to be honest. |
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From [po]'s link is this from David Bellamy - “I agree completely,” he said. “When I was a WWF trustee I begged them to buy big chunks of the land in which these animals live, not just go on spending millions on rearing pandas in captivity." |
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Having said that, isn't there some real benefit gained in researching the tools techniques and technologies necessary to get pandas to breed in captivity? Even if it were only to produce a token, mascot species that we could keep going to show ourselves off, isn't that a reasonable goal in itself? Like placing a man on the moon, keeping the panda species alive doesn't provide any direct benefits (unless you're a panda) but there are probably plenty of offshoots from the endeavour that could provide useful. |
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Just when you've written someone off as a long-haired vegetarian Guardian-reading sandal-wearing 2CV-driving pinko commie liberal, they come up with an awesome idea ...... [+] |
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Pandas are actually the ghosts of dust-bunnies. Modern
hoover technology is to blame for their demise. |
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//we waste money and resources trying to prop up a loser species which ought to go to the wall// |
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But they have cute-looking fur, and the correct number of eyes and legs. This of course means that they need to be preserved at all costs. |
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Some years ago I saw two articles next to each other on the BBC news site. The first was from the World Wildlife Fund, reporting that such-and-such small furry mammal was nearly extinct in the wild, and asking for donations to help preserve it. The second was from the World Health Organisation, reporting that smallpox was nearly extinct in the wild, and asking for donations to help finish the bugger off for good. |
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I thought this double standard was very amusing, and I wonder if the same thing occurred to the editor who decided to put the two articles right next to each other on the index page. |
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[ of ], i'm a Telegraph reader as it happens, and the only cars i've driven are Ford Escorts, Corsas and Cavaliers. |
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I don't know what to do now. Some people like it, some don't. Er, OK, here's my thought. This is a new idea because - it's not about just letting them die out, but encouraging them to, and in fact i have a new bit: get people to pay for the chance to hunt them and use the money to fund non-panda conservation projects. |
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Pandas are here only because they have cute ears. If it weren't for their cute ears, no one would be trying to save them. |
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Why would the World Wrestling Federation be
anti-panda? |
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pandas are just picky about their partners and probably enjoy sex more in privacy with the lights out. they are really sweet but CP's (and 19thly) POV is that the resources we are spending is at the expense of many other species but as ZT points out there are still benefits from techniques etc that zoologists learn. |
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pandas are very cute though and I'd hate to lose them. |
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Maybe we could just distribute the remaining pandas to
people like [po]. Private ownership might be more
successful. |
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Maybe some kind of breeding would work, but it would depend on them being able to reproduce, which seems to be a weak point for them. |
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Look, i'm sorry, i know they're cute, but i'm pretty sure a planet without pandas would be one where conservation would be more effective rather than less. |
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They are almost infinitely adaptable. With a little effort, we
ought to be able to produce a dog that looks like a panda
within 50-80 years. |
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In fact, it appears the Japanese have already made a start.
<link> |
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I can't agree with making any animal extinct, but
apart from that the logic is flawed. For a start, how
many WWF supporters (like me) are going to be
willing to see their money used for hunting
expeditions? |
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Now if you re-phrase it read "exterminate Sinar Mas
scum shareholders by putting a bounty on them",
then I'll double my donations. |
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Very much in keeping with the spirit of Christmas, as
seen and felt on the street. |
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Could be because we're not fighting them. This idea's worth a shot. |
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I rather lost sympathy with the WWF after i realised Prince Philip was their patron (he isn't any more). |
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If Prince Phillip were their patron they'd need all the sympathy they could get, shirley ? |
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As people, yes. As a charity, no. |
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Yeah, f- the bamboo diversity too. And f- dolphins, smartass meat eating cow-fish. |
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If you really want to save any species, start selling
food products made out of them that are popular
enough to justify raising them. Tiger burgers,
panda patties, etc. |
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Case in point, have you heard about the cow and
chicken facing extinction? The American bison
actually did face extinction until somebody
rounded up the last couple of thousand and
started using them to make money. We now have
a thriving bison meat market (buffalo stew is
delicious) and no shortage of this once
endangered animal. |
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Unfortunately, this makes some self proclaimed
enlightened beautiful people feel bad so if from
time to time we need to watch an animal
disappear from the face of the Earth so we don't
offend them, oh well. That's the price we pay for
having "beautiful people". |
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Really though, rather than hunting them for sport, we should hunt them for their meat. Then McDonalds can introduce their new burger, the Quarter-Panda. |
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Ugh, "Quarter-panda" I can't believe I missed that. |
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There's actually a better way to monetize this whole thing. |
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Simply start a show called "Panda-monium". |
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Each week, one of the remaining pandas is brought into
the studio. A team of pyrotechnical experts have to
devise the most original and spectacular way to dispatch
the panda. For example, one week they might build a
scrapheap decompression chamber capable of actually
exploding said panda. The next week, they might build a
simple yet graceful panda trebuchet, etc. |
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The show follows their progress in constructing the
apparatus (much like Scrapheap Challenge), intercut with
shots of the cuddly panda in its cage. |
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During the programme, viewers can phone in and pledge
money to EITHER see the panda exploded, launched or
whatever OR saved. Whichever camp received the most
pledges wins. Either the panda gets it, or the panda is
saved and a cuddly panda replica is destroyed in its place. |
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Either way, all the pledged money from both camps goes
to wildlife conservation. |
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I don't know, I like eating them better. |
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What's panda taste like anyway? I mean on the
chicken scale, chicken being the core center of
what everything else tastes like plus whatever
deviation points from center for that particular
meat. So rabbit would be "C+.02" (almost the
same) emu "C+.15" close but different" Captain
Crunch cereal "C+10" not at all like chicken. |
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I'm guessing panda's about a "C+3" |
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It might taste like a meaty version of bamboo shoots. |
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It's very similar to Yeti, actually. |
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We like [MB]'s idea VERY much. We consider it will top the ratings in Japan on its first airing. |
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"Oh waiter, this yeti tasts like a guy in a white gorrilla costume." |
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"... and I've got a bit of a dirty fork ....." |
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"Yes monsieur, I can replace the fork but if you read the fine print, everthing on the menu is "mock exotic". For instance, "dragon stew" was actually made from rats wearing cute little dragon costumes." |
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"What about the 'Bigfoot fritters'?" |
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"Rats with cute little bigfoot costumes." |
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"Manticore aux crevettes?" |
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"That would be half rat in shrimp sauce." |
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"Is there anything on the menu that's not rat?" |
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"''Well, aside from the mock yeti, afraid not." |
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"Well, just the clean fork then." |
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I work with a biologist who tracks the plight of the American Desert Tortoise. She claims it has many of the defects that the panda also suffers from, in addition to a stunningly low IQ, probably measured in negative numbers. She also claims that quite frankly, she hates the tortoises, and thinks anything this poorly adapted should already be dead. |
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This biologist claims that if it were not for efforts to protect the fragile lands where this amazing creature resides, the american deserts would be much abused, and many more species would suffer. This is the only reason she works to protect the tortoises. |
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Seeing as how pandas only eat bamboo, I'm guessing that lands they inhabit also get some benefits when the area is protected. |
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The thing about the tortoise is, what's the probability of being in existence at the same time as more than one very poorly adapted species? I have no idea if there'd be any way of calculating this, or judging the "naturalness" of the situation since we are ourselves "natural" if you see what i mean. |
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How many "loser" species are there? Are we an example? |
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Hardly. We're the grand champion of not only all
species
but of all kingdoms as well, plant and animal. Like I've said before, we
represent the crown jewel of creation itself. We're
the almost perfected product of what nature has
been trying to do since the first micro bug split
into two micro bugs billions of years ago, namely
advance life such that it can break free of it's
place of origin, the planet Earth, to live on other
worlds. All life forms were programmed with this
goal but only one figured out how to make it
happen. We're the vanguard
of life itself and will
take all the other forms of life along with us as we
inhabit all these worlds. We haven't done it yet,
but you're not a looser until you loose, and you
don't loose until you quit. I think this generation
is a little to soft to take up where the Apollo boys
left off, but there'll be other generations that will
decide life is about more than getting government
supplied anti-depressants and take up the
challenge of the last frontier. |
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They'll probably even take the stupid tortoises
with them. |
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[doc], check the meta file .. the bit that refers to the potential hazards of posting on the HB while under the influence of mind-altering substances .... |
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Oh, don't get me started on how crap we are not going to Mars! Seriously, people are just pathetic. |
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Not sure. I'd say the jury's out until we manage to build a Dyson Sphere, terraform Venus or colonise another solar system. |
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Why would you want to go there ? We've seen it, it's rubbish. |
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// build a Dyson Sphere // |
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No chance, he has the patents tied up too tight, and who neads a cleaner that big anyway ? |
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// colonise another solar system // |
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You'll never get anywhere as long as you keep with that Prime Directive crap. |
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Huh huh ug! 8 make funny! He call name and make insult! Hu guhuh! He swift and strong, no need wipe butt like girly man! |
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Believe me 8, nobody expects your kind go to to Mars, you'll stay here with the tortoises. |
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They'll be better company than you ... |
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For you, yea. They won't confuse and frighten you with words, concepts etc. You can stare at each other and grunt. |
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Ok, that was mean. I'm sorry. Let's all sing kumbaya, hold hands and have a diet Doctor Pepper. |
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Isn't there a plan somewhere to dismantle the planet and rebuild it as a giant swirly objet d'art with a smaller model of itself inside? |
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Must have left it in my other coat. |
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Please, stop that, you're frightening us. |
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"I'll have yours, [doctorremulac3], I love rat" |
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Any species is doomed if they taste great with beer. |
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[19thly] New York, according to what I presume to be an accurate portrayal by children's cartoon Futurama is constructed on part of a sphere elevated above the true surface of the Earth. In the future, once the greater circumference of the planet is covered with a Dyson-sphere like man-machine hybrid constructed exoskeleton striking a large enough plane into a large enough tower may result in a real simulacra-earth shifting phenomena only once before approached in scale by some fearless idiots and the mas media. |
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//mas media// steel jungle-drums ? |
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I thought it was a bit like Roman remains being on lower strata, due so far as i can tell to worms moving the soil over centuries. |
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And I thought the Diet of Worms was... something else. [link] |
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I was thinking more the Third Defenestration of Panda. |
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Sounds like you've identified a window of opportunity there .... |
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If it were framed differently, it might not fall so easilly. |
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You're not a loser until you spell 'loser' with two o's. |
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[-] 19th. Please change course of ideas. |
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'we could get on with spending money where it would actually do some good'... where is that exactly - declaring open season on Prince Philip? |
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I read years ago that pandas pre-date humans by 7 million years so the question of panda survival doesn't really rest with us anyway. Leave them alone in the wild and they'll do just fine. |
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