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WWE Third Umpire

 Without it, it's just not cricket.
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"Oh my God JR, did you see that?!"

"I sure did King, but it looks like the referee didn't, he's out cold!"

"The referee's been Irish whipped into the steel corner post and is flat out on the ropes! What will this mean for Shawn Michaels, struggling to stand in the centre of the ring?"

"I don't know King, but one things's for certain, Umaga has, and will continue, to take advantage of this situation with the referee unable to intervene."

"What's that?! Oh God no, a steel chair! Umaga has just pulled out a steel chair from under the canvas, God knows what it was doing under there in the first place, but there it is and he's climbing back into the ring with it!"

"He's raising it up! There's no-one to stop this! This is wrong, this is bad and it's wrong! Who can stop the Heart Break Kid from being pummelled by the Samoan bulldozer with that reinforced steel chair?!"

- Ding Ding Ding -

"Oh my God! Did you hear that?! The referee is out, and before Umaga can deliver that blow to HBK the Third Umpire has intervened!"

"Third umpire?"

"That's right JR, to commemorate the 25th Wrestlemania the WWE has introduced a video referee to maintain the fairness of a good wrestling match! And what a time to use it! Umaga is devastated!"

"Can we take a look at what just happened?"

"Let's take a look..."

"Ok, so here you can see what happened just after the referee was accidentally thrust head first into that corner post. Now if we slow this down, these images were captured at over 1000 frames per second. Watch the Heart Break Kid, just about to deliver Sweet Chin Music to Umaga."

"There he is winding up the band. He launches forwards and... Uh... Uh... There it is! You can definitely see the impact that that base-jumping midget has on Shawn Michaels' skull. Let's see that again, and... there!"

"Darn, that looks like a nasty crack! Right out of nowhere! I mean, what was that little fella doing jumping from the roof of the Stadium here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin?"

"Beats me JR, but you know as well as I do that the world of sports entertainment can be a little strange at times!"

"Amen to that! Wait, if you watch just carefully in the left hand corner you can see Umaga pulling that large lawn-mower out of his leggings."

"I thought I saw that at the time but, I don't know JR, I guess I just didn't believe it!"

"These things move so fast King, and we're not getting any younger. Let's check the snickometer for impact."

"So this gizmo displays the recorded sound from the ring in a visual wave line, right?"

"That's right, now here comes that mower, it's getting closer to Michaels' head, here it comes, watch the snickometer... There! Impact! Even from this obscured angle we can still see that Michaels is illegally hit with a lawn-mower by Umaga. That's the point that Michaels gets clobbered, and that's the moment that Umaga is disqualified. Shaun Michaels retains the Intercontinental Championship!"

"Let's take a look from a different angle King. Here comes the lawn-mower, it's descending, you can see Umaga's fat wobbling, God! Now here comes the moment of impact, and... Heavens to Betsy! The midget! He jumped in front of the oncoming mower and saved Michaels! Watch the little guy as he tears down through the canvas and out of sight! What a turn up!"

"And look! At that same moment you can see Shawn Michaels firmly grasping Umaga's nether-regions! That's a low blow! There's your illegal move! There's your disqualification!"

"My God!"

"Tonight Umaga wins the Intercontinental Championship! And the cheating Michaels will head back once again into retirement for yet another decade!"

"And now let's break for tea."

—theleopard, May 01 2007

High-speed cameras http://en.wikipedia...i/High_speed_camera
It might just be the BBC who refer to them as Tornado-Cams. [theleopard, May 01 2007]

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       I can smell what'cha cookin'.
—Jinbish, May 01 2007
   

       sp: Shawn
—Jinbish, May 01 2007
   

       Can you speeeeeelll, what the Leopard is cooking?
—theleopard, May 01 2007
   

       //if we slow this down, this is now displaying at 1000 frames per second// That would be speeding it up considerably, which would have the effect of making WWE much more enjoyable, mostly because it would be over that much faster.
—nuclear hobo, May 01 2007
   

       The camera *captures* 1000 frames per second, thus slowing it down. See the Tornado-Cam for more details. [linky]
—theleopard, May 01 2007
   

       Won't this really dramatically change professional wrestling, causing the participants to actually, you know, wrestle? [+]
—Noexit, May 01 2007
   

       //The camera *captures* 1000 frames per second, thus slowing it down. See the Tornado-Cam for more details.//

No, the idea specifically states
//displaying at 1000 frames per second//, thus speeding it up about 40 times, unless viewed at capture speed.
—coprocephalous, May 01 2007
   

       Yes, but you aught to consider whether or not I was writing JR's comments from the point of view of an "unreliable narrator"...   

       [apologies, humbly edited]
—theleopard, May 01 2007
   

       //WWE has introduced a video referee to maintain the fairness of a good wrestling match//   

       I had no idea the WWE was interested in fair matches!
—PollyNo9, May 03 2007
   

       I'm sure the McMahons would devise increasingly elaborate methods of distracting the third umpire but that's what the 'sport' needs. It's all so crushingly predictable at the moment. What they need is a little adversity to get in the way of their storylines, to make the writers (and to a slim extent the Wrestlers) work that little bit harder to keep the viewers guessing.
—theleopard, May 03 2007
   

       It is hard enough as it is to disctract all the umpires that their are. For great justice and vindication what are you going to use to highlight the need for justice and vindication? there are only so many sneak attacks you can do out of the ring. Besides you really need to combine all the elements of injustice of a system to show who is wearing the evil smile. How many times can you threaten to fire JR? Just threatening to fire JR can become meaningless if JR deserves to be fired for example.   

       You really need to give this duty to someone with no influence or say in the matter other than the ability to stir up the audience. Otherwise people won't appear to only be concerned with the appearance of wrong doing but they might actually solve the problem and no one will care about personalities any more.   

       To make them a referee is the improper usage of the concept.
—MercuryNotMars, May 03 2007
   

       Titles can't change hands on a disqualification.
—K o R, May 03 2007
   

       I showed this to my WWE-fan housemate and he said that he would have to bone the idea as it would remove the outside interference victories and all the other soap-opera hoo-haa that make up what we have come to know as Pro Wrestling.   

       I don't think that's neccessarily a bad thing...
—theleopard, May 04 2007
   

       There is always the possibilty of importing the outside influences and soap-opera milieu into the realm of cricket.
—zen_tom, May 04 2007
   

       //I don't think that's neccessarily a bad thing...// To what? remove pro wrestling?
—MercuryNotMars, May 06 2007
   

       [K o R]   

       //Titles can't change hands on a disqualification//   

       That might be the most out of place pendantry I have ever seen on the 1/2B. Kudos to you.
—PollyNo9, May 07 2007
   

       //importing the outside influences and soap-opera milieu into the realm of cricket//   

       "It's a beautiful day here at the oval. We're enjoying Lancashire bat against Durham with Mahmood about to face Steve Harmison, who has been seeing a little swing on this bright May afternoon, isn't that right Geoffrey?"   

       "Ay, lovely day for it an' all, that it is."   

       "Drinks have been set away, and we're about to restart the match. And here comes Harmison."   

       "'Ere what's that on't big screen?"   

       "This is most irregular, it appears to be Freddie Flintoff in the dressing room with the England coach."   

       - Ah bloody 'aet tha' bastard Harmy. [hic] He's always gettin' mi [hic] in trouble wi' press. I'm nev' [hic] 'er the instshi, insttinga, inshtitaga [hic] ter of all this drinking nonsense. So this afternoon Steve, I'm pourin' this 'ere [hic] Newcastle Brown over all yer lovely whites. That'l learn ya. La la la la <pour> la la dooo la... -   

       "Well that were a ruddy turn up."   

       "And it appears that Steve has pulled at a chord in the ground behind the stumps and, my goodness! A trap door has just opened and Harmison is pulling out, is that... yes, it's a steel chair..."   

       "Ere, what's that music about?"   

       - Green Day's "Warning" is played around the stadium, and an explosion of pyrotechnics by the dressing room spell out in sparks the letter 'W' -   

       "IT'S SHANE WARNE!!!!"
—theleopard, May 08 2007
   


 

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