Vuvuzela hunts

Much has been said and written on the subject of the Vuvuzela.

We propose that the best way to deal with this annoying device is to declare "open season" on the players.

Suitable tradtions and rituals will in time develop, but as a starting point we suggest that hunters - who may be mounted or on foot - hunt the Vuvuzela players using packs of Basenji (a breed of dog that does not, as such, "bark"). In place of the traditional English hunting horn, which produces a distinctive "toot - toot" sound, Vuvuzela hunters will signal by carrying powerful MP3 players loaded with recordings of John Cage's "Four Mimutes, Thirty-Three Seconds".

Clothing will be rustle free, and boots will be of felt.

Weapons would be at the user's discretion, as the favoured method of dispatching a Vuvuzela player is either manual strangulation, or the insertion of the instrument into a chosen bodily orofice with sufficent force that death supervenes. However, suppressed projectile weapons such as the L34A1 9mm sub machine gun or the MAC-10 with a Sionics supressor are favoured, as is the Fairbairn-Sykes fighting knife, long favoured by professionals in the skill of silent killing.

At social gatherings of Vuvuzela hunters, there will be community singing of Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence", acapella and very quietly.