h a l f b a k e r yI never imagined it would be edible.
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Vegetarian Man
Stronger than any normal human - and half the cholesterol! | |
A superhero for the 21st century, Vegetarian Man is here to save the day! His muscles are 10 times the strength of any mere human's, since his tendons are formed of pure soy protein. With wheat gluten eyes and a heart of pure tempeh, he provides a satisfying superhero rescue experience without all
those meaty muscles that are so difficult to digest. Plus, he is gorgeous. His skin is silky smooth, because it's made not of flesh but pure tofu. His hair is as silky as (and is, in fact, made of) alfalfa sprouts. With organs of mushrooms and black bean puree, how can you not be happy to get a glimpse of this superhero flying overhead, with the elegance and grace of a tofurkey?
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Great, right up to the point where he gets
nibbled to death by rabbits … |
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Is it not possible to simply generate an infinite number of super heroes based on an assemblage of components/characteristics, making the ideas a bit like flavours? ie Coffee Man.... Garlic Man.... Pasta Man... Pizza Man etc etc I'm too lazy to describe each of their attributes, but you can easily imagine. |
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Aren't super heroes meant to have super
powers? Hard to see what those might be,
other than "tasty", "filling" or "refreshing" … |
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And before you ask, "Tea Lady" is Baked. |
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Well Coffee Man is hyper active, and never sleeps. Garlic Man can kill vampires with his breath. Pasta Man can snare his victims with strands of spaghetti. Pizza Man can kill by launching blobs of boiling hot melted cheese... etc etc |
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Slightly under-cooked potato man - he's harder than you expect! |
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Let's hope he never has to fight Salad Bar Man! |
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How about Baked Bean Man? |
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... Faster Than The Wind ... |
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//Tea lady// Ah, go on, go on, go on, make my day. |
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Sorry, [phundug], gotta bone it. |
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First, a vegetarian is generally something that consumes vegetables, not something that is comprised of vegetable matter. I don't think that a de Havilland Mosquito, for example, would be properly termed a vegetarian. |
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Secondly, soy protein is not, to my knowledge anyway, particularly noted for tensile strength. I've never seen anyplace advertising "Soy Rope!" |
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Third, if this guy is built with such a high tofu content, he's going to need the skeleton, so that's what the bone is for. |
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And last, alfalfa sprout hair guarantees split ends. |
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(By the way - wondering about this guy's Super Suit. Is it a Flay-Vore Seal zip-lok suit that says "Eat Me" on the back?) |
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And if he //saves the day// - then what happens at night? Meat Man will be on his way!
No vote on this because it conjures up a cute idea, but unfortunately no super powers. (unless he makes everyone eat their veggies!) |
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