A pocket knife with two leatherman mechanisms in the form of an 'M' instead of the popular 'V'. This gives two plier-action tools e.g. locking plier and scissors/wire cutter. Having combed several lists of sought-after features and considering the scenarios I find myself frequently embroiled in (e.g.
drunk and on the wrong side, legally speaking, of a US Army nuclear testing site fence, wearing a flight-impeding ostrich costume) I propose the tools below, from a-z in no particular order. Ideally this is a device with which any problem that cannot be solved, can be physically or philosphically remanded into a context wherein it is either irrelevant or desireable.
a. locking plier (aka vise-grip) +wire stripper in one leatherman junction (the hyper-adjustable locking plier with two set screws)
b. scissor/wire cutter in other leatherman junction
c. butane torch suitable for brazing, firestarting, metal cutting, cigarretten
d. laser/flashlight (cutting laser poss.?)
e. voltmeter? halfbakery #1199853964
f. awl
g. can opener/bottle opener
h. titanium samurai blade
i. spool of carbon fiber thread
j. needle
k. screw jack (prise open doors, dislodge boulders etc).
l. bit holder (w. ratchet?) + bits:
i.hex (aka allen) in bike standards
ii. phillips
iii. flathead
iv. Hexalobular (aka torx)t-10,t-15 for computer
v. robertson #2?
vi. variable box-wrench (aka spanner) sizes using russian-doll inserts?
l'. adjustable box wrench if theres no way to get a variable one as a bit, or maybe something like the Black&Decker MSW100 ReadyWrench
m. pen/pencil
n. usb memory
o. stilleto switchblade?
p. spork
q. lanyard ring
r. serrated sheep foot knife blade
s. carabiner style clip
t. serrated edge knife, saw. Saw with usable length can be made with fold-out arm and diamond-dust cable.
u. magnifying glass / monocular
v. diamond coated file
w. sparking device (ferrocerium bar etc) halfbakery #1106090450
v. doodad that accepts jigasaw blades
x. nail clippers
w. marlinspike?
x. magnifying glass large enough to start a fire/boil water at.
y. chisel
z. hoofpick
aa. hand-cranked 5V electrical generator
use various edges for right angles, 30deg., 45 deg references and planes.
Made of titanium, fancy-pants steel, etc.