h a l f b a k e r yAmbivalent? Are you sure?
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Right, you're mega rich. Having strongarmed your
way into
owning the entire gas reserves of Asia, or figured
out how
to monetize cat videos you have a lot of cash.
Other rich
people have yachts. You're mega rich, and
therefore the
target market for the mega yacht. Now, you can
only
go so
big with the mega yacht before it starts to look
like a small
cruise ship. Poor people can get on cruise ships,
unacceptable. Big megayachts might also attract
the
attention of Bond types. How do you make your
yacht more
impressive? Well, the mega yacht salesman will
try and sell
you all kinds of baubles, trinkets and retractable
this and
extendable that. Boring.
So, take one regular yacht. About 70ft or so, like
your
cleaner's gardener might own (make sure it's
snow-white).
Then, take one common or garden variety
Typhoon class
nuclear ballistic missile submarine, available on
the used
submarine market. Simply place the yacht over
the conning
tower of the submarine. Glue may be necessary.
Connecting up the controls, however, will not. The
wheel
and engine throttle positions will simply be
relayed to a
screen, so that Sergei, the real driver of the boat
below
can see what you want to do.
Now, you can park you little yacht in the harbour,
maybe
quite far out in the harbour.... depending upon
depth....
while the cold war relic lies at periscope depth
below.
Here's where the fun begins. All your mega rich
friends will
have much bigger yachts, and may have
developed an eye
for how yachts sit in the water... something
strange about
the way the waves break on your yacht... it sits
still as the
others bob and roll around it... they've heard talk
of the
tiny yacht having an extensive wine cellar and a
seemingly
inexhaustible supply of gruff Russian servants...
still, it
doesn't look very fast, let's bet the whole of
Belarus on a
race. You realize the little yacht might win the
race, its
spinnaker billowing backwards as it makes a
steady 25
knots directly into a headwind.
You'd have to name it "Iceberg".
[link]
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I like this - especially surprising your guests with the massive range of fine wines available from your wine cellar. |
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and an uncanny ability to garner interest from maritime
patrol aircraft. |
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When you leave the galley to fetch another bottle of wine, your guests should hear your footsteps descending a flight of stairs for a ridiculously unfeasible length of time for such a small yacht. |
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... sorry about the delay, I brought a bottle of the '76, one
of the '79 also, I just had to stop off for a couple of holes on
the mini-golf course. Dmitri's really getting the hang of the
windmill hole. |
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Ignoring the bit where you glue the submarine to the yacht, it is of note that you will not be actually dissuading Bond villains, merely attracting a better class of same. |
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You may get away with the submarine being classified as a
very big keel. It's not unknown for racing yachts to have
uranium in their keels... this is the same. Just 560 ft longer. |
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You either want to detach the submarine in harbour or have a 24hr conn watch on to keep out of the way of people who think they're driving bigger boats. |
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Why detach it, or have a watch? Why keep out of the way? If
the occasional yacht disintegrates while crossing 100 ft off
the stern of my boat, that'll just add to the mystique.
Mystique and prestige are good commodities to have in the
yacht world. |
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Also from bs0-go Yacht co... the Alfa-class titanium Speed-
Keel. Nothing says sporty like overtaking jet-skis sipping a
martini atop a liquid metal reactor. |
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because you don't want to dent your Typhoon class ? They're 70ft tall (that I can estimate) not including the conntower. Surfacing in the harbour is an option: you could show off the (outdoors) rifle and archery ranges, bowling alley and pools, but it would tend to mitigate the "sneaky" factor somewhat. |
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//They're 70ft tall (that I can estimate) not including the
conntower.// |
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This is why we might have to park it quite far out. |
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//don't want to dent your Typhoon class// |
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I'm guessing the carbon fibre racing hulls will come off
worse when they hit 30,000 tones of Russian steel. |
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"Ah, Mr. Bond, I've been expecting you ..." |
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"Iceberg" would be good, but "Red October" would be better ... even
better still, "Krasnyy Oktyabr" in Cyrillic. |
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//you could show off the (outdoors) rifle and archery
ranges,// |
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"Sshome thinghs in here don't react too vell to bulletsh." |
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I'm having mini golf* indoor and outdoor** pools***
(heating no problem with the more than capable on board
water warming room). Water skiing off the back,
naturally**** and possibly a runway on deck for a
(very)STOL plane, or possibly a Mi24 for congruence. |
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*cold war themed: "aim for the Over The Horizon RADAR
array, and the slope will take it into the missile silo, then
it'll be shot out on compressed air, landing in the satellite
uplink dish" |
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***200ft nuclear powered fountain anyone? |
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**** some system for not getting the rope all tangled up in
the props will have to be worked out, probably derived
from the old towed sonar array. |
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could call it "Anglerfish". |
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Could cut down some commutes too. The transpolar route
has worked for airlines for years, why not use the same one
in your yacht? |
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//The transpolar route has worked for air,lines for years, why not use the same one in your yacht?// |
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You could make the commute even faster by loading oneself into a torpedo shell. |
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