h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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Uglatron
Stop embarassing mistakes before they happen | |
Drink is a bit of a problem in these parts, as the problems caused by drink. Chief amongst these is drunk pulling. Too often people find out the person they wake up next to is not quite so beautiful in the sober light of day.
So I propose the "Uglatron". Worn like a wrist watch, the Uglatron
is a small device with a range of settings from "Aphrodite/Adonis" and "Film Star" to "Heffer". The wearer then sets the device depending on his/her expectations/desperation. If during the course of a night out the wearer is chatting up, or being chatted up by someone who is catagorised lower than this setting the Uglatron takes action. At first it gently taps the wearer. If this signal is unnoticed the Uglatron starts pumping coffee into the wearer intravenously. If the wearer still ignores the Uglatron, the local police station is notified. The police then rush to the rescue.
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This seems to me to be most unfair on those of us who *are* the embarrasing mistake. I feel the need for an Uglatron jamming device. Also an Uglatron alarm interceptor so that my own force of fake police can arrive on the scene first and hustle you off to my secret lair, where I can molest you in private.[having re-read this, I'd just like to make it clear that I haven't got a specific 'you' in mind here, it's just a handy pronoun] |
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Oh DrBob - I'm disappointed now. I thought you meant me. |
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I saw this in the back of a magazine; seen the ipod? some people ran a feature (as a joke) for some software called iDate pro that wuld do the function you've described above, as well as being a "Gaydar" and measuring intelligence. |
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Alternate uses included: set the intelligence rating to 120 or better, set notification method to "vibrate", place near lower back, and attend scholarly lecture for a nice massage. |
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Presumably, the *very* lowest setting would be missing from the device, being redundant. |
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But that would make the next-to-lowest setting then become the lowest setting, and so on until there were no settings at all. |
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Which leads us inevitably back to .... Tequila. |
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....have it go to eleven..... |
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