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Who wants to go first?
There is something about doing things first that makes people un-comfortable. From being the first to jump out of the plane on a parachut jump, to being the first to take a biscuit from a selection provided at a friends house. Whether out of fear or politeness, no-one want
want to go 'first'.
So whats the solution?
UN Sanctioned Official Firstnauts. These brave men and women are paid by the UN to be the first. To be first person to take a biscuit at the coffee morining. To be the first person to shout an obscenity at a baseball match. To be the first person to jump up over the trenches when someone digs up and re-animates Haig. Or even the simple task of turning up first at a party.
So, support Firstnauts today. 'Cause without them, you might starve.
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please pass the sugar lumps to [ sctld ], soo kind. thank you. |
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perfect timing, I need a new career. I LOVE going first, first in line, first at the buffet, first off the cliff, no problem. For job security I can double as a Lastnaut, you know, bringing up the tail, eating the last cookie. |
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This must be baked. I see these people everywhere. |
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I'm with waugs - these people must already exist. Otherwise nobody would be eating mushrooms or raw fish, jumping out of aeroplanes or having modern surgery ("honestly, you'll wake up"). |
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Isn't anybody going to say, "Bring on the virgins!"? |
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// first at the buffet // |
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Me ! ME ! I will trample infants, the elderly, the infirm or indeed anyone else in my eagerness to be first at the buffet ..... I'm reknowned for it. Also, if something has failed to "go" or is looking a bit "dodgy" then I'm usually the first out from behind the sandbbags to go and have a closer look. Mind you, that's usually a result of peer pressure (on my windpipe). |
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Nah! Over-doing politeness should be entered as an amendment to the Geneva Convention list of war crimes. Rather than Firstnaughts, would you should have is a 10 foot tall gorilla with blood dripping from it's fangs, armed with a bull whip and a cattle prod to force people to just bloody well get on with it!
"No, no! After you Claude."
Crack! Zap! Scream!
"OK, ok I'm eating it now. Please don't hurt me again." |
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I thought we called these people Texans. Ever try to get on any form of Texan public transportation? |
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I didn't know they had any. All the pictures I see of Houston and Dallas are of 12-lane highways. |
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//To be the first person to shout an obscenity at a baseball match//
This damn baseball refuses to ignite! |
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Message to all the revolving-door holders of life: *thbbbbbb! |
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