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Two Cats Mad
The spinster eccentricity index you always knew existed. | |
I've noticed, from an early age, that mad old spinsters usually have loads of cats and, conversely, that old spinsters with lots of cats tend to be quite, quite, mad.
What I propose is a scale from 1 to 12 which reflects the insanity of the individual and is related to the number of cats you would
think someone of this mind-state is likely to have.
1 cat mad - not mad at all but all cat owners should be watched should they show the tendency to accumulate more felines.
2 cats mad - occasionally mildly eccentric. May say completely hatstand things at dinner parties.
3 cats mad - usually quite eccentric. Has a tendency to laugh loudly at nothing during dinner parties.
4 cats mad - not invited to dinner parties. Smells of cat.
5 cats mad - not invited to anything. Smells of cat pee.
6 cats mad - ventures out only to but cat food and kitty litter. Has straggly hair.
7 - 12 cats mad - The slow descent into the the mind that only the insane (or the cat lover) can understand.
(?) Two Cats Mad
http://www.sfgate.c...tate0305EDT0102.DTL
PROOF! [1percent, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Cat owner says it started with 2 fecund felines-- "All of a sudden" there were 196
http://www.sfgate.c...1/05/25/MN29596.DTL
"I know this sounds bizarre," said Barletta, a 61-year-old retired real estate agent, in an interview outside her Russian Hill apartment in San Francisco. "But I'm a rational person." Same woman, different article. 196 cats mad!!! [romy, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
skirtman is exactly 4 cats mad!
http://www.skirtman.org/dresume.html
this is a nice objective bulletpointed breakdown of a mildmannered crossdressing 4-catter in the computer department. [gnormal, Mar 11 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]
one mad cat
http://www.youtube....watch?v=G0tiT7KlACM
[jaksplat, Aug 31 2008]
Cats morphing into croissants
http://www.milkandc...link/221195/detail/
Seemed like the right place to post this [Dub, Sep 24 2010]
Google has become not only sentient, but one cat mad
http://gizmodo.com/...to-watch-cat-videos
"Google's artificial brain loves to watch cat videos"... What happens when it finds all that porn? [Dub, Jun 26 2012]
Research paper on cat bites.
http://www.plosone....ournal.pone.0070585
Rather stunningly, this idea seems to have some basis in fact. People, especially women, turn out to be more susceptible to suffering mental health issues if they have been bitten by a cat. It therefore follows that the more cats you have, the more likely you are to get bitten and thus are more likely to be mad. Of course, this doesn't address the issue of degree of madness vis-a-vis number of cats but research continues! [DrBob, Sep 20 2014]
Halloween cat
http://luna-flower....-the-West-482843971
[not_morrison_rm, Sep 20 2014]
Toxoplasmosis
https://en.wikipedi...oplasmosis#Research
A parasitic infection caused by, amongst other things, exposure to cat faeces. [DrBob, Jul 22 2020]
The List
https://www.youtube...watch?v=_YMVPXmaKds
Dad's Army Classic, with no nasty, soggy chips. [DrBob, Jul 22 2020]
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Of course there is always the possibility that people of great age, have seen a lot, experienced a lot and just prefer the company of cats to some human beings and in this consumer driven society in which we live, who is the mad one? I don't think I would be so quick to judge. |
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Cats are quite discerning they choose with whom they wish to live they are not dependent or as controlable as the dog. |
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Kingsley Amis was suspicious of anyone who did not have a cat in their household, he felt that people who did had a gentle nature. |
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By the way on your scale I am mildly excentric, the idea of being "normal" would be gross. I am all for the destandardization of the human being. I have two dogs too. |
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I've got two cats but one is schizophrenic. Where does that leave me? |
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I'm several upside-down fish mad, myself... |
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3 cats....8 Jack Russell Terriers....22 horses of own + 19 horses belonging to others....current spinster license is valid..... not invited to anything... ventures out to the outside world only at night to capture criminals trespassing on her property....chases said criminals through cornfields in her Pontiac Bonneville while wearing only her bedroom slippers....makes arrests and holds criminals until the police arrives and then retreats back into her barn......spends all "free-time" at the 1/2B...... |
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Just pondering my sanity..... |
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Nothing on the plate. Suppose I go out with some liver and
remove a few tabs from round the neighborhood, can I be 8
cat by proxy? |
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Perhaps the true sanity test would be whether the individual actually knew how many cats she had. I've known a hugely fat woman who really didn't know how many cats were in her home at any given time. |
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She was a fruitcake, but the woman sure knew her grammar ... she might be lurking on HB as I write this. |
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This seems to outlining female examples only. What about Hemmingway? He did not know how many cats he had at any one time. |
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There was an article I read recently which equated madness/genius and said that the one common element was imagination. Personally I would rather be imaginative and considered slightly oddball by the norm, than lacking imagination. |
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Ahhh Hemmingway. Good old Martha Hemingway... |
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I think the scale can be applied to men as much as to women. It's just that I'd never noticed the phenomenon in men before (The cat collection, not the madness, that is) |
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griffin - Are you sure you don't just have 3 cats? |
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globaltourniquet - give Rods Tiger his fish back. |
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Susen - all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. |
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Unabubba - put yer claws away. You're cutting up the sofa. |
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Personal rating 2-4 cats depending on the prevailing weather. |
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After you ffffssstt'd in it? No thanks... |
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That's the main difference between
dog people and cat people. Dog
people, the stereotype goes, are
rugged, extroverted, well-adjusted
go-getting types. You could
imagine Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
meeting whilst walking their dogs
in the park. Cat people, however,
fall into various stereotypes: the
mad old woman with several dozen
cats, the misanthropic loner with
only a cat for company, the moody
teenager who writes morbid poetry
by candlelight, &c. |
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I strongly dislike dividing people as "dog" or "cat" people.... it doesn't explain those who are like me with multiples of both. |
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I divide people into people who divide people into two types of people and people who don't. |
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Soterios: perhaps you were unknowingly speaking with a
fellow
halfbaker...? |
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Here are some great quotes from two different sfgate articles about the woman with 196 cats:
"All of a sudden there were more and more cats..." |
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"'I'm a cat lover, not a cat hoarder with 100 cats,' Barletta said, adding that she had successfully adopted out about 5 or 6 cats.
'People are breaking in and messing up the order and system I had set up in the house and in the garage. It spun out of control because of the vandalized garage and cats ending up in the cupboards.'"
*yes,* when you find you have cats in the cupboard, *it's a warning sign, folks!* |
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She never counted the cats, which are now being held by Humane Society officials. "You try not to focus on how big the problem is," she said. "You just try and work day to day to solve the problem." |
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I myself only have one cat, but I certainly see the potential for at least, oh, 3-cat madness in myself. |
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I'm two cats mad, three if you count myself... |
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I think I must be 1/2 a cat mad. Next door's cat seems to have adopted us. This probably makes me more insane than normal cat owners as I talk to cats and don't even own one. |
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Croissant to [CoolerKing] for having been adopted by a cat and liking it! |
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I don't mind it being in the garden but as soon as it trys to come in the house it gets a swift kick up the backside. (metaphorically speaking. I'm not cruel to any animal that isn't one of those dogs that are about the same size as a rat. They're just asking for it) |
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how about a cat-madness-indicator-ratio: the number of cats you think you have divided by the actual number? The further away from 1 you score in either direction implies greater insanity. |
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hmm because of my alergy to cats and dogs's hair I don't own any: does this make me sane? |
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and //because you can't possibly fix all those cats// you can't possibly get them all vaccinated....so along comes distemper and next thing you know, you have zero cats...... |
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I met a farmer several years back who had 32 Jack Russell Terriers....seems he had a "rat problem" so he got a male and female terrier. His rat problem became a terrier problem. Instead of calling the humane society, I bought two of the dogs and then called every Terrier owner I knew to get them to buy one. We wiped him out of terriers and he was grateful. We left him with two old, fixed terriers to keep the rats in check and promised him free puppies to replace the old pair when they died as long as he got the puppies fixed. |
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As a note, neither of the females I got had ever been vaccinated and both were ridden with fleas. I obviously took care of that problem right away. |
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Some people just get in over their head and need rescued. If you can't afford to vaccinate, de-worm, and de-flea every pet you have on a regular basis, you have too many pets. |
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Cat fur hasn't been mentioned so far.
I was on the train the other day with my fiance & I found it amusing that the two women beside us kept sniffing at intervals. I had a moment of paranoia & wondered if it was from the magnetic fur of my four cats...
Does this insanity apply to relatives as well. My mother dotes on her "grandkitties" all the time. |
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Wild bird poopulation does indeed appear to be declining in UK, although I suspect that the culprits are more likely to be removal of habitat and such, rather than cats. A recent survey showed that domestic acts prey mainly on frogs, voles and butterflies. (My own cats are happily house-bound, One of them appears to be agoraphobic.) |
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Babies are just a substitute for those people who can't keep pets. (Dons flame-retadent gear, opens up storm cellar and disappears inside) |
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[angel], I keep seeing more and more bird poopulation. Someone should teach them potty skills. |
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[Mephista]: They can plot away they'll never get past the cats. |
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[lg]: you train. I'll watch. :o) |
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Well spotted, [lg]. I'll leave the evidence of a twitching (!) finger, for the sake of humour. |
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I don't believe a word you say any more |
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By the Bye how would I know if I've been fixed? |
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For that matter, how would you know you were broken? |
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I was going to throw a bucket of cold water on UnaBubba until I realized I was 4 1/2 months too late. |
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I'm with ravenswood. I thought this was a way to measure degrees of anger, not insanity. I've been rudely awakened too many nights when the local night-cats stage a three round championship fight underneath my bedroom window at four AM. |
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i had an imaginary friend which was a panther when i was younger... |
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and got adopted by two of our neighbor's kitty-mill-kittens that never got sold, and were the most pathetic and gorgous and friendly cats, and let me sing to them. |
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(and a fat cat of our other neighbor which i secretly named cream puff...) |
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so that makes me cat-mad, as in mad for cats, but how many cats mad i know not, sir. here at college i have only a stuffed bear & rabbit... |
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It's such a shame. So young & yet so totally out of your tree... |
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*blink* confuzzled? so long as the "young man" wasn't addressed at me.. then i'm less confuzzled :) |
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(i never had a tree anyhow. never could climb the buggers well. quite willing, but the flesh was weak and off-balance... so if i had a tree, guess i was always out of it. doubt that referred to me tho) |
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Doesn't seem to matter what the critter is, I get adopted. Quite mad you see. |
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I have two cats but I'm not from
this planet, so I'm exempt. + |
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you are *not* going to eat the budgies, this christmas, shirley! |
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We have a declining cat population in our house; only three left. Indeed, according to the newest screening techniques I am becoming less mad. |
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Public Dis-service Announcement: |
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Last year, a man was discovered to have a record of 267-cat madness. When the 267 raw sewage-encrusted felines were rescued from the house, veterinarians found that the man's insanity-waves had infected all of them. In the end, each cat found a permanent home in a landfill as a fine powder. |
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If you or someone you know has more than 15 cats, don't delay. Ask a health professional about ways to treat cat madness. There is hope. |
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How many felines does a Cheshire Cat count as? |
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Common Fermanagh saying: 'Mad as a bag of cats.' |
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putting my + back. 3 cats mad - one sick this weekend. if I end up with 2, do I become saner? |
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Shame I don't have any cats. My parents hate them, they feasted on the wildlife where I used to live. |
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I'm pet-sitting for two cats. Does that make me temporarily insane? |
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I now have "two cats mad", (or should I say "two mad cats")? |
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Either way, I was crazy to bring another feline into dustbuster's domain. Hence making me two cats mad. I actually think that it's a compliment, since this in one of my all time favorite ideas. (And st3f is too seldom seen in these parts.) |
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which parts of st3f, do you recommend blissy? |
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The s, the t, the 3, and the f. Why, are there more that I don't know about?
(No po, it's his sense of style. In writing, and in halfbaking.) |
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[baconbrain] You'd have to be insane to look after them! |
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love this - am presently 2 + 1/2 mad cats |
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does this work backwards with cats? |
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if my cat eats/craps at 2 homes... |
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Doubt it. I think that most cats maintain
just enough of a grip on reality to
remember to eat. |
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I'd love to get a second cat just to see how she reacts. Would be quite fun to see her hissing madly. |
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Me = 3 cats mad (but with only one cat - have been known to laugh out loud at dinner parties for reasons known only to myself) Velcro my cat = somewhere in between the 7 - 12 cats mad range (hisses at his food when you give it to him!) + |
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Still one of my all time favorites, and always thought it was penned by Afro, and stolen for a huge ransom from by stf3. |
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1 cat mad as of tonight - who would have thought it!? |
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chunky had complete kidney failure - am so sad...best friend for 14 years... |
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oh [po], so sorry to hear your sad news.
Chunky was a fine chap. |
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I am so bloody miserable - I cannot describe it... |
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Sorry to hear that, po.
Chin up! |
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Yup, down to one cat sane :-( |
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I think that st3f is 7-12 cats mad. This idea is crazy! |
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I laugh at stuff in my daydreams. |
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Still one cat mad and holding. |
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I know a guy who's three cats mad. He's gets checks from the Navy for having a 60% debilitating mental disorder. He also hears voices, and when he goes out drinking he starts to wish he had less blood so he could get drunk faster. |
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Thanks St3f - A woman has just moved in two doors down and she is 8 Cats Mad.
I mean, I LIKE cats but.... |
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I'm sure these cats release some kind of hormone or endorphin in crazed kitty collectors that could be synthesized and given in injection form. |
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A cure for "cat madness"? |
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// synthesized and given in injection form ... A cure for "cat
madness"? // |
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Potassium cynanide solution ? Can also be given in tablet form, or
pumped through the sufferer's letterbox while they are sleeping ... |
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// I mean, I LIKE cats // |
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That's nothing mate...my ex-student over here had like more than 80 cats, 4 dogs and a husband, and she listed them in that order. |
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NB I could in no way be considered a cat person, but even I found the Halloween cat cute. Linky and all that. |
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Since the only way to get a cat to pose like that for long enough to get
a picture would be the lavish use of cyanoacrillate adhesive applied to
its paws, we also find the picture entertaining. |
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By extrapolation, there should also be a rating of "One horse
completely insane". |
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In the manner of all them paintings of horses in Georgian times, they used to strap them to an iron frame to prevent motion blur in the finished painting. |
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Not quite sure how that managed to avoid red eye though. |
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There are now three cats in this house. And three dogs. My daughter
is the one who brings them in, but it is me who they are driving mad. |
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There's your first mistake, right there ... |
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One mad cat, does that count? |
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Yes. You're clinically insane. Seek professional help, or preferably
euthanasia (for you, and the cat. If nothing else, the cat. The cat is evil
and must be destroyed). |
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If you don't like cats there is always Mad Dogs & Englishmen. |
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See last link....there is now Trumpoplasmosis. It's
essentially the same condition, only instead of cat
faeces, it's created by excess exposure to Fox
news. Aside.... where are all the fab halfbakers
who were around in 2001, years before I arrived? |
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We Assimilated them, which accounts for our virtuousity ... why, was that wrong in some way ? |
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st3f has dropped in I think not too long ago. DrBob has
too. I miss Angel, and StarChaser and the list goes on
and on. Bubba and Ian T. are missed greatly but I see
them on Instagram and fb. Ohhh, Phoenix was always
well mannered. The good old days. And Jutta
dropping in to straighten us back up when we fell off
the track. As I do way too often. |
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// Bubba ... missed greatly // |
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Yes, like hemorrhoids, or scabies ... very unpleasant, and so much better when they go away ... |
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Haha. We saw what you did there. |
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You're now in the place just below [xenzag] on The List ... so, we want Plaice and Chips - and no nasty, soggy chips; we want them crisp, und light brown. |
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For those who don't know, being on 8th's "List" is
similar to a swarm of flies putting the resident
chameleon family on their "List". ie it's quite funny,
and of course, it makes him happy;
keeps him out of trouble, and not running around
the fields waving his trousers over his head at the
passing birds. |
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"The Emperor is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress ..." |
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It sems so... "it's the last time we buy those cheap Christmas crackers... " |
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Two cats here; one outsized cat there. Tell me where is
sanity ... |
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"It is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness", [ree]. |
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