h a l f b a k e r yNot the Happy Cuddle Club.
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Supermarkets rely on getting you to buy far more than you actually need. (I must be some sort of marketeers dream, then, but that's beside the point...) Most of the time this is exactly the sort of insidious capitalism that we all put up with in order to live in society, but it does tend to play havoc
with diets - cruel supermarket wizards tend to put tempting confections at the end of aisles, for example, so that everybody has to walk past them.
Why was I talking about that? Oh yeah. What I think we need is an antidote to this - a trolley fitted with either (a) a little loudspeaker and weight sensor, or (b) a little pneumatic cylinder underneath the cage.
In the case of (a), every time you put something into the basket, the trolley could ask you, 'do you really need that?' Or possibly mutter about calories. Or just go, 'cor, that's heavy'.
More subtly, in the case of (b) every time you put something into the basket, the pneumatic cylinder compresses and the escaping air makes a noise like, 'oof.' Just exactly like someone dropping a sack of potatoes onto a fat person.
'Oof.'
'Oof.'
'Oof.'
Hopefully, the suffering of the poor trolley will encourage people to buy less stuff.
Hey...maybe this could also have potential as a method for improving the genepool - nice, kind people will feel sorry for the poor trolley and only buy what they need; those who revel in cruelty to trolleys will all die of obesity.
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[+] for the positive effect this would have on the mundane shopping experience. All around me, chiding trolleys scold their elephantine pushers:
"Ooh, a second on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!"
"Straight to the thighs, you know, dearie"
"You're trying to tighten that mu mu?" |
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This would gel perfectly with the new 'scan your own price' trolleys in some supermarkets. With whatever barcode/RFID technology they have the scanner recognises the product. It is the work of a moment to plug in the appropriate phrase.
Don't forget encouraging words for fresh greens and fruit.
My favourite would be to plug in the checkout girl from the 'Fast Show':
'Ribbed condoms? Very thoughtful.'
or 'Microwave meal for one. Live on your own? Awwwww.'
or (picking up haemorrhoid cream) 'Johnny Giles, Johnny Giles, Johnny Giles. That's two fifty eight, love.' |
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I thought this was going to be a special, extra-heavy trolley to be pushed by dieters, which could make the grocery-shopping experience also a workout. |
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I'm voting yes because I would find watching other shopping navigating with this trolley to be funny. As in public humilation. |
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