h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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After my man-servant has drawn my bath, he generally retires to the pantry, leaving me to soak, and to play with my rubber ducks.
My bath is of the late-victorian, enamel and cast-iron variety, and once filled, begins to lose heat at an alarming rate. With no servants around, I am then faced with
a dilema, rise out of my comfortable bath or attempt to twiddle the hot tap with my prehensile toes.
The solution presented itself on a recent hospital visit. Surgeons use special taps with long paddles, that can be operated with the elbow; thus removing the need to wipe the blood and entrails from their hands before use.
A propose a smaller paddle, with rubber grips, that can be delicately manipulated with gentle toe pressure, allowing me to languish once more...
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you have prehensile toes? |
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Indeed, I do have fabulously long toes, which enable me to open pickle jars and hang from trees. Sadly, they aren't dextrous enough to manipulate a standard faucet. |
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Hmmm, a centrally mounted mixer tap, might be out of keeping with my period bathroom furniture. |
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You should bottle and sell those toes of yours! Pickled Pigs Feet have been around for awhile. Haven't seen Pickled Prehensile Toes on my grocers shelf, though. |
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We have a simular heat losing bath but due to my lack of evolution i am still able to top up with hot water. Makes you wonder whether we are going down the right evolutionary path. I can hear the "jaws warning music". |
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riposte: what if you prevented the heat loss in the first palce? you could go down to your local swimming pool supply store and buy a pool-blanket. a piece of this placed over the tub should prevent the heat loss you're getting in the first place. you could also try spraying insulating foam on the outside of the tub, although i doubt that would be in keeping with the late-vitorian charm of your decor. |
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As a former bather, I can say it is relatively easy to keep temperature at a stable level by the toe method--having been adept at the toe business and all that, but you can also have the water running at a soothing sounding trickle at appropriate temperature to maintain heat levels. |
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Light some small candles and stand them under the bath. By trial and error it should be possible to position them in a pattern that keeps the water warm without actually cooking the occupant. Women seem to like water ten degrees hotter than men can bear, and might wish to light every candle, while a man may choose to light alternate ones only.
This discrepancy between the tempearature preferred by women and that preferred by men has unfortunately led to my partner keeping most of her clothes on when sharing the water with me. At least I think that's why she does it... |
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