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For those times when you have to demolish your
home (maybe after a flood or an earthquake)
UBCo
bring you Thermite Termites.
First, we set loose in the soon-to-be-demolished
home a thriving colony of carefully bred hyper-
aggressive termites, following our selective
breeding program for
Mastotermes darwiniensis.
These little buggers could destroy an entire home
in just weeks, before we got to them.
Once they've hollowed out every available piece
of
wood in your home we give them a big feed of
thermite, laced with termite attractant, then add
a
bit more succulent, tasty wood to your now
ruined home.
Then, when they're all inside the structural
timbers, we detonate them simultaneously.
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//give them a big feed of thermite, laced with
termite attractant,// Ah yes, that's bound to work. |
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Incidentally, over here we came up with these
cuboids of fired clay called 'bricks'. They're really
jolly good, but they could cause a problem for your
system. |
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Moreovermore, how do you propose to detonate
several thousand very small charges of thermite? |
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There-might be trouble if you do this. |
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[MB], Mastotermes will eat just about anything,
including the insulation off electrical wiring. If it's
remotely food-like, they'll consume it. |
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There's usually a wooden frame inside the brick
cladding,
[MB]. It's one of the major things that burn when your
house catches
fire. |
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Hit a few of them with a hammer. They'll set off the
rest
of them. |
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Yes, [xenzag], I'm pretty sure there would be trouble.
Your house would fall down, for instance. |
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//Hit a few of them with a hammer. They'll set off
the rest of them. // I am pretty sure that hitting
a termite full of thermite with a hammer will only
result in disappointment. Have you actually tried
setting off thermite? I have, and it is not easy, even
when it is outside a termite. |
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I have. I've seen it used to weld railway line sections
together.
Fill the gap with thermite and a little fulminate of
mercury, wallop with a large hammer, stand back... well
back. |
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Wow. Most guys just get toy trains. |
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We lived next to the railway station in a small town. I
used to watch the fettlers fixing the lines after they were
damaged by expansion on hot days and after a couple of
derailments in the marshalling yard. |
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//thermite and a little fulminate of mercury// |
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Yes, and the fulminate of mercury is quite
important. |
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sorry UB, won't fly for about a million reasons. |
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a) Termites won't eat thermite
b) even if they would, thermite isn't an explosive
c) even if it was it requires a high temperature to set it off
d) even if you managed that, the thermite would mostly just boil the termite from the inside
e) even if it managed to escape, the worst that could happen is the inside of the termite tunnel wall burns, using up the tiny bit of oxygen in the tunnel. |
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The other 999,995 are pretty obvious. |
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Nonetheless, having started to list them you are now
required to elucidate and ennumerate each one. |
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Not a problem: let me know when you've refuted the first 5 so I can get started. |
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This is my termite. There are many like it, but this one is mine... |
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Protip: Don't eat C4 and then get struck by lightning. |
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Just selective-breed the termites to explode. |
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I think this is an excellent plan, particularly since
since it's otherwise so hard to set fire to houses in
Australia. |
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Whoops, there goes another 'Bubba street plan. |
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This is very complicated and hard to imagine being
something folks would buy. But a bun, because there
wasn't one a' top the page. |
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Ah, the infamous "sympathy bun". |
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May I suggest Kermite the frog for a spokesman? No?
Alright then, forget I mentioned it. |
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You're supposed to be forgetting that I mentioned it, remember?
I mean forget?
I mean... you know what I mean |
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"The first rule of Thermite Club..." |
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"This is my termite. There are many like it, but this one is mine..." |
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I see a movie in the making: The Terminiter. |
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1. Get the termites to riddle the wood with burrows. |
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2. Spray the outside of the wood with fast-drying sealant to block
any external holes. |
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3. Pump in liquid oxygen. |
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4. Get someone else to apply a match to the structure.. |
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Please take photos & video too. |
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potentially hazardous to numbats [-] |
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Numbats live a bloody long way from the towns and cities
where this would be used. In fact, I've never seen a
numbat, because they live so far inland and in remote
areas. |
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// I've never seen a numbat, because they live so far
inland and in remote areas.// |
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Reading this idea, do you blame them? |
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I'm sorry to have to inform you [Max] that numbats don't
read. |
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Well, there you go. I knew you had an advantage
over a numbat. |
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That's where the advantage ends. |
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You may be interested to know that, in common with
most scientists in need of research grants, it has a
tongue that is almost one-third of the length of its body. |
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Is that before or after the SUV? |
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Does UBCo have a covert method to shield service
payments from nosy home insurance companies? |
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