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The Wet-Spot Shield

 Fear the wet-spot no more....Wet-Spot Shield--- Has it covered!
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You just got your groove-on. You just drove that unrelenting sex-train straight to nirvana. You did some serious aerobics…You won’t have to hit the gym for 2-weeks. Your wild, tantric body upheavals culminating to pure ecstasy would make most porn-stars blush. You and your partner in rapture just played hide-the salami and shook the house for two hours…….

Yet all this wild passion….Yet all this crazed fervor….. All you have to show for your feral love journey is a lit cigarette and a giant puddle of cold slime in the middle of the bed.

Isn't it inevitable that no matter how hard you try; some part of your body will invariably touch the cold, slimy, wet residue of elapsed passion? But you need to sleep now! Don't you have to work in the morning?!

You try to ignore it. You try to put a bathroom towel over it…. only to have that cantankerous, stale love-goo leach right through! Change the sheets? -Forget it! Your evil love-gunk is soaked deep into the mattress...It will just saturate the new sheets! You pray to your god in heaven that your body heat is its worthy opponent, and through his grace, the epic battle might evaporate the formidable spew…. But how foolish you are! In your pathetic desperation you even try to switch sides of the bed so your poor, dispossessed lover has to struggle with that horrific nightmare of glop. (Shame on you!)

Wipe the tears from your eyes and hold your head up to the sky….A new dawn is breaking. Your angels carried your agony to heaven. Your prayers have been answered:

Never again marinate in spooge.

Introducing the new, revolutionary……Wet-Spot Shield

The Wet-Spot Shield is impenetrable by sex-slime! State-of the-art, micro-thin neoprene on one side and soft, warm and plush flannel on the other. Best of all the Wet-Spot Shield neoprene grips the cold goo position with a stranglehold, will not slip off and stays in place all night! In the morning, simply peel off the Wet-Spot Shield from the bed sheet and toss it in the washing machine! (Yes, it’s machine washable!)

The Wet-Spot Shield is ultra-thin so you won’t feel an uncomfortable bulge. It measures 2ft x 2ft square, so all sex-spew strongholds are covered!

Wet-Spot Shield -- Has it covered!

Wet-Spot Shield is so cheap you can buy one for every bed (and sofa!) in the house…

Only $14.99 each and available in a wide variety of fabric colors.

—Nietzsche, Jul 20 2004

Tuckables http://www.betterhe...ables_underpads.htm
Once the kids are trained, they're all yours. [dpsyplc, Oct 04 2004]

Santorum http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/
[calum, Oct 04 2004]

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       Check <link> what's out there. With a couple safety pins you can wear one to your next rally.
—dpsyplc, Jul 20 2004
   

       i suspect [Nietzsche] achieves some sort of sexual stimulation from thinking and writing about his own ejaculate in a public forum. sort of sad and lonely. hang in there buddy.
—xclamp, Jul 20 2004
   

       If it was that good, you'd never notice the wet spot.   

       Category: Culture : Television [ ? ]
—normzone, Jul 20 2004
   

       i suspect [x-clamp] achieves some sort of sexual stimulation from commenting on individuals thinking and writing about thier own ejaculate in a public forum. sort of sad and lonely. hang in there buddy.   

       furthermore..i suspect The Wet Spot Shield would help keep [x-clamp] comfortably dry after his continuous wet dream of being sodomized by a large male gorilla.
—Nietzsche, Jul 20 2004
   

       [blissmiss]....urine and vomit included? Can I get your phone number darling?
—Nietzsche, Jul 20 2004
   

       Ahem.
—waugsqueke, Jul 20 2004
   

       If Nietzsche had a cellphone he would be calling in.
—theircompetitor, Jul 20 2004
   

       May I suggest, [Neitzsche], that rather than having a nerdish mattress protector, which, if we're being honest, would send any previously bedbound lady running as if she were to discover your penis poking engorged from round the seams of your Fireman Sam underpants, you start to seek sexual nirvana standing up. Or outside.
—calum, Jul 21 2004
   

       Wow! strange ideas out there. How bout mine? Try celibacy, its not that bad. Besides, if you all can down and do the dirty, why worry about something as minor as a wet spot?
—raticate, Jul 21 2004
   

       I know what you're saying, but there are some situations where "I've got a gadget to sort this out" is inappropriate. Try a superkingsize bed - that way you can just move to another area entirely by rolling over a couple of times.
—wagster, Jul 21 2004
   

       You soak through a bathtowel? What the HELL are you doing in there?
—contracts, Jul 21 2004
   

       That "ahem" says so much.   

       [Nietzche] an alternative approach for you might be to have your sex in a hammock or develop yourself some emission controls.
—bristolz, Jul 21 2004
   

       Emission controls are baked, [bristolz] - - Cahk Rings. (please note the spelling has been changed because children who would somehow be reading something about "the wet spot" in bed might get completely the wrong idea, try to fix the bed-wetting problem for good, and end up losing a body-part.)
—contracts, Jul 21 2004
   

       Maybe a cahktalytic convertor?
—bristolz, Jul 21 2004
   

       (fears inevitable posting of jism-powered internal combustion engine, of course powering a bedside refrigerator)
—Worldgineer, Jul 21 2004
   

       Oh Blissmiss, now you've gone and edited your original posting and made me look less witty! Why not relish the past as it truly was in all its splendid glory? If we are ever to evolve as a species we must learn to embrace imperfect reality as it is... not what we conjure it to be. Please re-edit to your first silly comment and then say 30-Hail Mary's.   

       bristolz: I've tried the hammock and used a large, automotive oil-pan underneath to catch discharge fluids. Interestingly, the sex fluids seem to congeal well and improve viscosity of the residual automotive oil. My next exciting posting on Halfbakery will detail how this oil can then be reused in your car's engine to guard against thermal breakdown and maximize performance.   

       This is a tough crowd....I don't suppose I have any investors at this point? Did I mention the Wet-Spot Shield makes for an excellent dog frisbee at the park?
—Nietzsche, Jul 21 2004
   

       If you're discharging that much fluid, you should see a doctor. There are shots now for those little problems, should clear it up right away.   

       [World] ...with a built-in carbonator I would hope.
—lintkeeper2, Jul 21 2004
   

       Well, the other option is fuel injection and I'm definitely not going there.
Oh, you said carbonator - I read carburetor.
—Worldgineer, Jul 21 2004
   

       Scout, wrong, scout, wrong. It's not a mattress pad! It's a neoprene square the size of a towel. You keep it in a drawer along with your linens and toss it over the wet-spot when the situation arises. It comes Leopard-skin flannel-lined for beauty.   

       Ultra-complex idea, I know.
—Nietzsche, Jul 21 2004
   

       Remind me to re-read "Thus Spake Zarathustra" at some point. I must have missed a chapter or two last time round.
—lostdog, Jul 21 2004
   

       Good book. I liked the part where god died.
—Worldgineer, Jul 21 2004
   

       // now you've gone and edited your original posting and made me look less witty! //   

       Considering the idea content, do you think that's possible?
—waugsqueke, Jul 22 2004
   

       How does this work in the bath?
—Ling, Jul 22 2004
   

       "Long slept Zarathustra; and not only the rosy dawn passed over his head, but also the morning. He awoke gleefully from the passions of dreams in lust; in praise as his trusted Wet-Spot Shield defended his comfort throughout the darkness of night."
—Nietzsche, Jul 22 2004
   

       Safety First !! Use condom. It would eliminate root cause of bed wetting, prevent fear of getting by-product as a result of your exercise & just for the sake of mentioning - it would prevent mutual transmission of disesase, if any.
—vedarshi, Jul 22 2004
   

       Whoopie while parachuting? Wow, now that sounds like a rush. I think it'd have to be a quickie, though.
—RayfordSteele, Jul 22 2004
   

       I think it's been done.
—bristolz, Jul 23 2004
   

       Link, please, briz. (Or at least a dwg.)
—neelandan, Jul 23 2004
   

       Call me old fashioned, but does anyone actual use a condom anymore?
—britboy, Jul 23 2004
   

       At least this one doesn't mention ninjas or custard... that would just be weird!
—zigness, Jul 23 2004
   

       They bloomin' well should do [britboy]
—hazel, Jul 23 2004
   

       [zigness]But what if you are a ninja who likes to eat custard in bed? A messy ninja at that.
—PinkDrink, Jul 23 2004
   

       //Long slept Zarathustra...//   

       Cue Music - :Also Ejact Zarathrusta:* - Strauss with funky porn guitar.   

       *Misspellings quite intentional
—thumbwax, Jul 24 2004
   


 

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