The Uvy

"Oh, we had such a lovely time at The Uvy, back then. They didn't have candles on their tables you know, they had these adorable little adjustable-wavelength light emitters, and Elmer Spontoon (he was such a hoot!), he would tune it to a near-UV wavelength, so our tablecloth would shine like the Ascension repeated all over again, ah me! And then he'd put on these cute orange-filter goggles, and he could see all sorts of things through em, like saliva, and blood, and so on, so you'd know if anyone had spat in your food! And Elmer once found a glowing patch in the Hollandaise, turned out a young man had masturbated into it. Elmer went through into the kitchen and opened up a can of whupass on him. That pore boy was beat up so bad, couldn't hardly speak after that. But apparently he was a commie. So. Still, The Uvy was a wonderful place. They should bring it back sometime, those emitters on tables? Eh, General Jnr? Why don't you do that?"