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The Twitchery Coat™

 For those rainy days...
 
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I was birdwatching (twitching) recently in the rain. I mean, it was really chucking it down. I had on my Goretex (brilliant stuff) waterproof, so I stayed dry. Trouble was, with my hood up, I couldn't really hear much of what my companions were saying, far less the birds calling. So I dreamt this up.

The Twitchery Coat™ is custom built for a spot of twitching. On each side of the head are ear vents, sort of perforated areas like windows in tents, i.e. you can hear through them but they don't let the water in. No more neck cricking to hear what people are saying.

Built into these ear areas are two small microphones. These are connected to a microchip conveniently situated at the base of the neck area, which in turn has a small earphone that snugly fits in one ear. When the microphone picks up a bird call, the database in the chip is searched and the species of bird is spoken quietly into the earphone. Then you can go find the bird in the undergrowth and match it to its call.

On the reinforced hood rim just above your head there are two collapsible mirrors to allow you to see any activity behind you. Since you're only going to be wearing the Twitchery Coat™ in the rain, these mirrors are naturally protected by small, foldable umbrellas. Mirror wipers are an optional extra.

Obviously, the outer Goretex of the coat is self repairing, in case you rip it when jumping the obligatory barbed wire fences etc.

The Twitchery Coat™ comes in many colo(u)rs, but camouflage pattern seems to be most popular. Map pockets and binocular flap fitted as standard. Order now as stocks may not last.

—saker, Jun 11 2003

slip this into one of the pockets. http://www.halfbake...d_20for_20beginners
[po, Oct 04 2004]

Ventile Cotton http://www.flyingjacket.com/vjacket.htm
quieter than Gore-Tex [oneoffdave, Oct 04 2004]

self sealing stuff http://www.dsls.usr...io2001/pdf/141p.pdf
I'm sure there are more out there somewhere... [saker, Oct 04 2004]

Attu http://www.theatlan...2001/10/fitchen.htm
Are you itchin' for a twichin'? By John Fitchen. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]

Where to find tinned mince. http://www.thebritc...ction.com/what.html
And delicious flightless birds. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]

McVities Penguin's http://store3.yimg....-store_1724_3908269
[thumbwax, Oct 04 2004]

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       //the outer Goretex of the coat is self repairing, in case you rip it //
You were doing fine until then.
—thumbwax, Jun 11 2003
   

       Thanks [thumbwax], yes, I realise that bit was tinned mince. But if I delete it, I'd have to delete your anno, and I don't want to do that. So I'll leave it and watch the bones pile up.
—saker, Jun 11 2003
   

       Why not make it out of ventile cotton, breathable and less rustle.
—oneoffdave, Jun 11 2003
   

       I delete my annos which are no longer relevant - feel free to delete it along with this one and watch buns pile up. It's just a magic-tech advisory.
—thumbwax, Jun 11 2003
   

       Maybe I could coat it in this stuff [link].
—saker, Jun 11 2003
   

       Magic gore tex or not, the mirrors with little umbrellas do it for me. I can just see these delicately unfolding when the collar sensors detect rearward motion and the umbrellas pop up minutes later as the hood sensors detect the first signs of rain.
—egbert, Jun 11 2003
   

       I never heard the word "twitcher" used this way before either, apparently it is British slang.   

       In the computer industry, a "twitcher" is a slang term for a computer game like Quake that requires rapid eye-hand coordination and lots of button pressing. I was wondering why you would need a special coat to play games in....<grin>
—krelnik, Jun 11 2003
   

       [oneoffdave] - you can get "non-rustling" goretex fabric anyway - golf waterproofs are made out of it. It is not only less rustly, but it's one hundred percent waterproof, which whatever the claims of the website link, ventile cotton ain't.
On a different note, surely, given the nature of this post, the reference should be to "anorak" rather than "coat"?
—goff, Jun 11 2003
   

       [goff], welcome to Anoraks Anonymous.   

       Sorry, couldn't resist it. Btw, sorry about the confusion. In the UK, a twitcher is a special type of birdwatcher. They chase rarities, almost exclusively, unlike your common or garden birder like myself, who'll chase just about anything.
—saker, Jun 11 2003
   

       Yep, I do know what a twicther is, hence the anorak coment. DOn't quite undrstand the response but there you go.
By the way, saw three kinds of woodpecker in my garden within the space of an hour last sunday morning. Is that some kind of record?
—goff, Jun 11 2003
   

       If you're in the UK it means you've got a hell of a good old woodland near your garden.
—saker, Jun 11 2003
   

       ...and/or a hell of alot of holes in the siding of your house.
—krelnik, Jun 11 2003
   

       What is tinned mince and what does it have to do with this idea?
—waugsqueke, Jun 11 2003
   

       //What is tinned mince//   

       waugs, there are shops that sell both tinned mince and penguins [link]. So it appears to be related.
—Amos Kito, Jun 11 2003
   

       Minced penguin? That's what's left over after the explosion.
—waugsqueke, Jun 11 2003
   

       Yesterday I heard some Byrds singing "Tern, tern, tern". Is this a record?
—egbert, Jun 12 2003
   

       I thought the hood earholes were enough. Actually feasible, and I bet you could sell such a thing to manic twitchers - the ears are vital. I picture these mesh hood earholes being covered with little protruding crescentic rims. The overall effect would be somewhat Hermetic.
—bungston, Jun 12 2003
   

       The microphones in the ear area, and the microchip to tell you what bird it is by its song........wouldn't you want to have this on non-rainy days also? Perhaps something like a walkman that is not attached to the coat/anorak would be a better use for this idea.
—TeaTotal, Jun 12 2003
   

       Did someone mention tinned penguin? (yum!)
—Cedar Park, Jun 12 2003
   

       You're absolutely right, [TeaTotal], I would want a call identifying device on days other than just the rainy ones. [po] already dreamt this up (see first link).   

       I wonder how feasible one of these would be. It'd be really handy for me. Some species of warbler are virtually identical in plumage and can only be identified by song. I know a lot of calls, but by no means all of them. Back to the drawing board, methinks.
—saker, Jun 13 2003
   


 

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