The Simian Fund

Our strategic global allocation multi-asset Pan Troglodytes investment evaluation is the first of it's kind. After careful prospectus review, our team of simae portfolio specialists target prime funds with our proprietary ballistic feculence trajectory and targeting fund evaluation program. We evaluate the target map after our specialists have cast their "votes" and create a portfolio tailor made for savvy strategy minded investors like yourself.

The Simian Fund: Sound strategy, no monkey business.

Aaaand, scene.

The idea is to have a mutual fund where the stocks are picked at random by monkeys, chimps, gibbons, or gorillas. The front loaded fees for this fund go towards the facilities caring for these animals and the fund would be the standard random picked investment that other funds would be compared to. To fare worse than the Simian Fund would mean you're not even beating random chance.

Of course the monkeys and apes should probably have different methods of selecting the funds than the one proposed above. Companies might even make sales videos designed to get the chimps vote. Pictures of bannanas, tire swings, that sort of stuff.

Would make a great gag gift for the college graduate just getting into investing. An ironic introduction to the stock market with a thinly veiled message.

Plus a few bucks go to take care of those other guys in our order so everybody wins.