h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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I know lots of people (including myself) who would kill to be rescued from doing something they can’t/don’t want to do. You want to go to your daughter’s ballet recital, but you would not be able to watch that soccer match with your friends. You don’t want to hurt her… but hey, it’s the final match.
How about that legal paperwork you have to do personally, those documents you have to pick up or that time you were so hung over you wished someone could show up at the office and make believe it was you? Those are major tragedies, I say.
Obviously, it’s all just wishful thinking, you reckon: my boss won’t buy that story about growing boobs overnight if my cousin Christine shows up in my place at work tomorrow. Yes, she does look like a man, but there are limits. Only a superhero could get you out of it; there are things that one has got to do. Unless…
So many people in this planet, in your own hometown. Imagine a database with pictures of all the people within your area (not only your city). They’re all in the database because it’s almost like a citizen duty: it’s a win-win situation. In all that huge mass of human beings, with all this racial diversity spreading everywhere, SOMEONE has to look like you. Maybe not *exactly* like you, but hey, close enough to show your ID to a stranger or wave to your daughter while she performs at a considerably far distance, and make believe it is you.
The LASHC (Look alike superhero company) can save your life/marriage/neck. For a small yearly fee, and a $500 refundable deposit, you have access to such database. Predicting that if an unwanted commitment has already happened to you it’s likely to happen again, you look through the database categories: male, male/blonde, male/blonde/blue_eyes, etc. until the system comes up with the information of the individuals who possibly match your search. You find the one that looks more like you and you contact him in advance, give him the details about where and when to be, what to do and the information s/he needs to know in order to play an OK “you”. You can then go wherever else you want to go, or simply stay home and avoid an unwanted compromise.
Your look-alike superhero doesn’t get paid, but since you look like him too, you have to play the superhero for him whenever he needs you. If for some reason you don’t, your $500 deposit will go straight to his pocket. If you do play your part of the deal, your deposit will be returned to your bank account.
What goes around, comes around. We all need a superhero. We all are able to become one.
The Doppelganger Gambit
http://www-users.cs...illough.htm#bchaos1
A book about using doubles as alibis for commiting crimes. [ato_de, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
The Way To Kray
http://www.thekrays.co.uk/
[k_sra, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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But who fills in for the substitute? Horribly unfair. |
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I can see using a substitute to save face with boss and friends, but if you're sending in a substitute to placate spouse or children, your relationship is doomed and you'll be turning out plastic psychopaths. If you don't want to be there for your kids, don't have them. |
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This service works for people who can't or DON'T WANT to attend certain compromise. If your daughter has the same ballet recital every year BUT it's important for her that you are there, then you use a substitute. You don't miss anything, nobody gets hurt. Obviously, if YOU are a good parent, you will go to the recital regardless. Only, there are not many good parents out there nowadays so if their kids are not hurt from having lousy parents, I think it's better. |
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If you think your daughter will not catch on *very* quickly, you are obviously not a parent. Uberfishbone. |
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Problem solved: you go to the recital, and your substitute watches the game with your pals. They probably won't catch on that it's not really you as quickly as your daughter would. |
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hey, this is not only about fooling daughters; it's just an example for the diverse situations a look-alike superhero can save you from: boring weddings, dinners with the in-laws, first comunions and all sorts of things you only don't want to do, but also sometimes you CAN'T because you're either sick or something much more important came up and you can't cancel neither events. It's like duplicating yourself. Nobody really gets hurt. |
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Have all Sadaam's LASHC clones also gone underground? |
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No, Saddam didn't leave his bunker since the gulf war. His clones did the job on the recent invasion to Badgad and, yes, some of them were killed. |
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I think all of the superheroes need lookalikes of their regular life identities so that they can have a moment's peace and confuse evildoers who know their secret identities. |
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